Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!

–Train to Grand Central

Overheard by: Muffin

Conductor: Where’s the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.

–LIRR, Hempstead station

Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.

–Union Square Station

Overheard by: E Moran

Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.

–Queens bound N train

Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it’s official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.

–Coney Island bound F train

Overheard by: F Train Sloper

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven’t voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–4 Train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Jonny

Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.

–F train