Irate gangster, following a scared-looking passenger: Excuse me, sir, would you like a wedgie? Sir! Excuse me! Would you like a wedgie?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jane and Brian
Irate gangster, following a scared-looking passenger: Excuse me, sir, would you like a wedgie? Sir! Excuse me! Would you like a wedgie?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jane and Brian
Very fat man in suit: Excuse me, miss, could you move your bag so I could sit in that seat?
Thin girl: With all due respect, sir, even if I did move this bag, there's no way your fat ass will fit here.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: thinks he should try Weight Watchers
Headline by: JohnAustin
Runners-Up:
· “”Let Me Rephrase. Excuse Me, BITCH…”” – Paul Tabachneck
· “New Yorkers: Keeping It Real Since 1886” – Nicole
· “She’ll Be His First Target When He Becomes a Serial Killer” – Muse on the Loose
· “She’ll Gain 200 Pounds When She Gets Pregnant” – Vanessa
· “Southwest Airlines Has Already Made This Point” – Michellinator
· “Under a Fat Man, Nobody Can Hear You Scream” – Trey Jackson
· “Weigh Watchers Has a New Recruiting Campaign Called “Honesty”” – Lauren
Little boy in blue blazer and khakis: I'm having a party. You can come.
Little girl in flower dress: (keeps skipping rope)
Little boy: You can bring your Lego people!
–25th St & Broadway
Comedy guy promoter to young JAP: Comedy show! Comedy show! Hey, do you like comedy?
Young JAP: Um… no.
Comedy guy: Come on, they're funny… just come!
Young JAP: Umm… no.
Comedy guy: Fine, don't come. But do you like tall skinny white men? Wanna go on a date?
Young JAP: Again: umm… no.
–14th St & Broadway
Headline by: Kelly Combs
Runners-Up:
· “Feigned Hesitation Is the Cruelest Of the Sarcastic Arts” – Aaron
· “How About Puppies? Everyone Likes Puppies!” – CJ
· “JAP Has No Sense Of Humor, Film at 11” – samson
· “She Actually Just Has a Rare Form Of Tourettes…” – Molly
· “What About Money?! I Bet You Like That!” – Zak Santucci
Cop to another, about uniform and belt: I can't run in this thing.
–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Sandy Riverside
Random guy, watching 300-pound gangster being arrested: He was throwing the police around like pancakes!
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Alex
Guy with garbage bag of purses on St. Patrick's Day: Leprechaun stole my pot o' gold and left me these damn bags! Who wants to buy some stolen shit while the cops are drinking?
–46th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Madeline
Police officer to another: He knew I was on the force, and that nigga still gave me a ticket for speeding!
–1 Train
Female train conductor: Nigga, I hate them undercover cops! Always holding the doors! You can never be sure if they cops or if they just guys with gats!
–1 Train
Boy to girl: Hey, when you die, can I have your body?
Girl: To do what with?
Boy: Um…
–Cafeteria, The Bronx
Snobby housewife to six-year-old girl on toy bicycle: Do you want to share an iced coffee with me later?
Six-year-old: Yes!
–70th St & Broadway
Overheard by: whatever happened to ice cream as an incentive?
Lady selling comedy tickets: Come on guys, have the last laugh before the weekend ends!
Guy in pirate costume: No! It can never end!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Emm
Jamaican woman: Just give me the fucking birth certificate and let me go!
Man: No! Did you just come here to fuck up my day?
Jamaican woman: We're on 23rd and 5th! Just give me the fucking birth certificate and my money!
Man: Why are you always trying to fuck me up like this?! I'm not giving you nothing! Leave me alone, I do not have to give you the birth certificate!
Jamaican woman: Fine! You take that birth certificate and put it where the sun don't shine!
(storms off, returns a minute later)
Jamaican woman: Now give me the birth certificate.
–Madison Sqaure Park
Overheard by: Anniemal
Drunk 20-something girl: Can I get fries for four dollars? I have four dollars. I need fries.
Waiter: No.
Sober 20-something homeless guy: I'll buy you fries.
Drunk 20-something girl: Oh my god, you're such a lifesaver. Do you want some weed?
–Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave
