White woman: How are things with John?
Asian woman: I don't know. He's just not manly enough for me. He listens to Miss Saigon at the gym. Maybe he has an Asian fetish.
White woman: Sounds more like he has a dick fetish.
–E Train
Overheard by: Brad
White woman: How are things with John?
Asian woman: I don't know. He's just not manly enough for me. He listens to Miss Saigon at the gym. Maybe he has an Asian fetish.
White woman: Sounds more like he has a dick fetish.
–E Train
Overheard by: Brad
Suit in sunglasses: This entire platform smells like a hitherto unknown species of ass.
–D train platform, 34th St
Aging hipster on cell: At worst, you emit a general smell. If people notice it, I don’t think they associate it with you.
–Worth St & W Broadway
Loud woman: Yo, where you at? I can smell your breath, but I can’t see your face!
–Shoe store
Drunk chick in room of females: It smells like penis in here.
–Pi2 Lounge, W 12th & Surf Ave
Overheard by: Ioulia Fedorova
Teen on cell: Dude, they kicked me off campus! Because they said I smelled like I was high. I mean, I am a little high, but I don’t smell like it!
–Stuyvesant High
Fat man: Why didn’t anyone call Patty* and tell her that her breath stinks?
–Victory Hospital
Overheard by: Suquaia
Guy, smelling girl’s armpit: Man, that’s brutal! But I kinda like it…
–NYU
Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Blank Slater
Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: I.R.
50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!
–Penn Station Taxi Line
Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!
–7th Ave & 35th St
Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, motherfucker!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I wasn’t looking–
Hobo: Mutherfuckin’ faggot. Probably same faggot pissin’ AIDS all over everybody. Oughta put a bullet up you ass…
–Grand Central men’s room
Overheard by: john chianese
A hobo has peed on himself.
Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bathroom without all you bitches starin’ like it’s something new?
–Prospect Park
Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter
Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!
–26th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: your mom
Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!
–Broadway
Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.
–5th Ave
Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!
–Junior High School
Overheard by: gabygrillz
Girl #1: So, I looked down and it was like two feet long.
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #1: Ya. But then it fell off.
Girl #2: Oh. Sounds like you had a rough night.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Millie
Lawyer #1: I saw this funny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “retards” and there was this one called “retarded Britney Spears fan.” It was a retard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two seconds of it before I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “extreme pain”? I could only watch about five seconds of it. A guy was cutting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That's some sick shit. How's your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her between the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eating pussy.” You'll get a million hits!
–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman #1: Giving my boyfriend a blowjob always seems like it would be hot, sexy fun until I have his dick in my mouth.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–Park Ave
Neighbor #1: So your baby is finally here!
Neighbor #2: Yeah, she was born on Tuesday. 8 lbs, 20 inches…
Crazy guy walking by: Well, I'm 25 inches.
–Garment District
Man #1, wearing a wig: Ian’s penis was in my ear.
Man #2: Again?
–Vynl, 51St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Van
