Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, motherfucker!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I wasn’t looking–
Hobo: Mutherfuckin’ faggot. Probably same faggot pissin’ AIDS all over everybody. Oughta put a bullet up you ass…
–Grand Central men’s room
Overheard by: john chianese
A hobo has peed on himself.
Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bathroom without all you bitches starin’ like it’s something new?
–Prospect Park
Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter
Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!
–26th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: your mom
Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!
–Broadway
Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.
–5th Ave
Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!
–Junior High School
Overheard by: gabygrillz
Girl #1: So, I looked down and it was like two feet long.
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #1: Ya. But then it fell off.
Girl #2: Oh. Sounds like you had a rough night.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Millie
Lawyer #1: I saw this funny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “retards” and there was this one called “retarded Britney Spears fan.” It was a retard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two seconds of it before I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “extreme pain”? I could only watch about five seconds of it. A guy was cutting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That's some sick shit. How's your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her between the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eating pussy.” You'll get a million hits!
–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman #1: Giving my boyfriend a blowjob always seems like it would be hot, sexy fun until I have his dick in my mouth.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–Park Ave
Neighbor #1: So your baby is finally here!
Neighbor #2: Yeah, she was born on Tuesday. 8 lbs, 20 inches…
Crazy guy walking by: Well, I'm 25 inches.
–Garment District
Man #1, wearing a wig: Ian’s penis was in my ear.
Man #2: Again?
–Vynl, 51St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Van
Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Matthew
Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.
–E Train
Overheard by: dru
Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.
–N 6th St, Williamsburg
Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!
–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint
Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…
–Central Park
Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!
–Union Hall
Overheard by: Cass
Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?
–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg
Student #1: How could you throw a ball 520 meters? That's like half a mile!
Student #2 (from back of room): You know what else is half a mile?
(students all laugh)
Teacher: What? How come everyone got it except for me?
–Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
