Girl #1: Just stop thinking about it, god.
Girl #2: I can't…it's just new, and big to swallow, y'know?
Girl #1: Well, I'm sure he's not thinking about it all the time.
–Elevator, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Kyle
Bike guy: Well why don’t you shut up, bitch?
Woman: Whatever.
Bike guy: I’ll break my dick off in your mouth.
–Spring between Broadway & Crosby
Guy: Yo girl, I gotta song for you.
Girl: Okay. What you got?
Guy, beginning to beat-box: You a five-star bitch, I got a five-star dick…
Girl: Hahahaha.
Guy: Eight inches long and just as thick…
Girl: What!? Hold up!
–W. 110th & Malcom X
Overheard by: The Music Man
Lesbo #1: Cocks are gross. Well, ignore the fact that I look at boy porn.
Lesbo #2: You are the weirdest lesbian I know.
–Times Square
Student #1: Mr S., you have a big wenis.
Teacher: What!?
Student #1: “Wenis” is the extra skin at the back of your elbow.
(teacher grabs forearm)
Student #2: No, straighten your arm and grab the extra skin. If you pinch your wenis really hard it doesn’t hurt! Try it, pinch your wenis, Mr S.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: LSB
Female bartender: I'm double-jointed. Isn't that weird?
Sketchy barfly: You wanna see something weird? I can suck my own dick!
–Mars Bar
Overheard by: Pete
Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?
–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca
Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.
–Pratt Institute
Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.
–Austin St, Forest Hills
Guy, excitedly: … And so he says to me, ‘Hey, nice cock.’
Friend: Dude! No way! So, what did you say then?!
Guy: What else could I say? I said, ‘Hey… Thanks.’
–5th & 2nd
Overheard by: Matty K
Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Do not hold the doors.
Crackhead holding doors: Suck my dick. I'm in the mob. I'm mobbed the fuck up.
Conductor: For those who continue to hold the doors, if I see you, police will be called. It's rush hour, people need to get where they're going.
Crackhead holding doors: Shut the fuck up. I went to Cornell, motherfucker. Suck my dick.
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: ED
Lady to another: I'm waxing my crotch whether he likes it or not!
–52nd & Madison
Overheard by: someguyslikethejungle
Preteen: Yo, she bit Mark's crotch!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: dan
Girl to another: I don't think he'd like your stiletto heel in his actual crotch. Oh, now your twat is all over the place.
–Olivebridge
Man on cell, noticing, "The Big Penis Book": Hey, I'm at this bookstore and they have this big book of penises… Oh, you have it already? The big book, with the pink cover and crotch on the front? Oh, okay, cool.
–Bookstore, Brookyln
Bimbo: Crotches are always wrong!
–American Apparel Store
