You Can’t Spell Wednesday One-liners Without TMI

Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now?

–68th & Lexington

Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong.

–51st & Lexington

Overheard by: Mike Barish

Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri

Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work.

–West Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: Darby O’Gill

Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry.

–Dive bar, 96th Street

Posted on April 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Orgy, Penis, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Sex, Suits, Vagina

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Posted on April 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Erections, Friends, Girls, Height, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Anal Penetration: The Universal Language

Guy to friends: My goal in life is to get as many dicks in my ass as possible.
Random girl: Mine too!

–Canal St

Posted on April 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Friends, Girls, Guys, Penis, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

If You Promise Not to Lick Them This Time

Receptionist: Now, if you’re good, Jason, I’ll let you play with the models.
Five-year-old Jason’s dad: What models?
Receptionist: The prostate models.

–Smoke break outside Urologist’s office, 6th & 6th, Brooklyn

Posted on March 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Creepsters, Penis

Raise Your Hand If You've Had This Same Fight

Angry 20-something woman: The main problem is that our whole relationship is just about your dick.
30-something man, carrying loads of shopping bags: Well, it's about your pussy too.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: itgoesandgoes

Posted on March 27, 2015
Men, Penis, Relationships, Street, Vagina, Women

…My Dad's Way Blacker Than That.

Girl #1: So, yeah, his dick was this big (stretches fingers). I guess the rumors about black guys are true.
Girl #2: Kinda reminds me of my dad.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2, awkwardly: I was only joking!

–Broadway

Posted on March 24, 2015
Girls, Height, Incest, Manhattan, Parents, Penis, Race, Rumor Has It

But He Praised My Ability to Outsource

Short NYU girl: It's not fair! Why do I always have to suck his dick? He's your boyfriend.
Tall NYU girl: Well, he said I was really bad at it.

–Starbucks

Posted on March 21, 2015
BJs, Compare/Contrast, Gripes, Penis, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Sorority Girls, Starbucks

The Penises Get Mad When We're Late

Girl: I'm really bad at observing people.
Friend: I love Sleeping Beauty.
Girl: I can't write about art if it's, like, asked by my teachers. That's what I hate about this class. Last semester I had to reckon with a Louise Bourgeois essay… All her penises. Are you guys ready to go?

–Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Posted on March 20, 2015
Books & Writing, Disney, Film, Friends, Girls, Gripes, More museums, Penis, School and studying, Visual Art

Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss

Straight guy #1: I saw this show on TV about guys who would date girls even if they have a penis ‘cuz they were so hot!
Straight guy #2: Penis is definitely the deal breaker for me.

–187th St & Broadway

Posted on March 14, 2015
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Penis, Trannies, TV, Washington Heights and Inwood

Well You Talk About It with Your Colleagues

Little girl, loudly, to security guard: My brother has a suspicious package in his pants!
Mother, pulling her away: You don't talk about that in public!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Strip search in 3…2…1…

Posted on March 13, 2015
Clothing, Cops, Family Ties, Grand Central, Kids, Moms, Penis, Security Guards