Crazy guy to suit: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Suit: Get the fuck away from me before I stab you.
–D Train
Overheard by: Oh snap!
Crazy guy to suit: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Suit: Get the fuck away from me before I stab you.
–D Train
Overheard by: Oh snap!
Drunk girl #1: So how are you feeling?
Drunk girl #2: A little disoriented…I've been upside down for awhile.
–Bathroom, John St. Bar
Overheard by: Jillian
Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: LIZ
Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?
–Biddy Early's Pub
Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!
–3 Train
Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?
–Times Square
Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.
–92nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Mad Man
Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.
–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Well-dressed woman to friend: And I just felt so self-conscious without my toenails.
Friend: Yeah…
–54th & Broadway
20-something chick: So one of the side effects of my anti-depressive medication is a complete lack of sexual desire.
20-something dude: Oh well, mine don't do that!
20-something chick: Uh… okay?
20-something dude: … just saying.
20-something chick: They also make it harder for men to ejaculate. Not that I would know.
20-something dude: Yes you would, don't lie to me.
20-something chick, hanging head: …I know.
–114th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Young male professional: So your dad’s cool with you not eating?
Young female professional: Yeah, he’s totally fine with it. He’s gonna start next week too.
–Union Square
Girlfriend: I just don’t get it. Dan* can be such a nice guy, such a sweetheart. And then other times, he’s Satan. Something must have happened to him when he was a child.
Boyfriend: He’s from Long Island.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Not from Long Island
Middle school kid #1: Why do they call it “PMS”?
Middle school kid #2: I dunno.
Middle school kid #1: Because “Mad Cow Disease” was taken.
(hilarious laughter ensues)
Middle school kid #2: That’s so funny. (pause) What’s “PMS”?
Middle school kid #1: I think it’s “Post Mental Syndrome” You know, when you dry up and can’t have babies.
–R Train
Woman #1: What’s wrong with Eddie*?
Woman #2: Oh, Eddie* gets claustrophobic in the city.
Little boy: That means he’s afraid of Santa Claus!
–39th St & 6th Ave
Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up.
–E. 84th b/w 1st & York
Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs)
Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George…
–M66 Bus
Overheard by: Stephanie
Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking.
–Outside Lombardi’s
Overheard by: Rich
Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me.
–Horus
NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up."
–8th & University
