Psychology

Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.

–Classroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.

–The Cooper Union

NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!

–NYU

Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.

–Classroom, Columbia University

Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.

–NYU

Overheard by: Yeah. It did.

Effeminate bisexual man: I'm going to make you come so many times… The thing is, I have self-esteem problems, and…
Female friend: Well, then you should talk to a therapist about that, instead of preying on unsuspecting girls.

–LIRR

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!

–22nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Tigertail

Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!

–14th St & University Place

Overheard by: Bee

Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!

–Union Square

Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!

–9th St & 50th St

Overheard by: EmGusk

Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!

–St. Mark's & Ave A

Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism

Girl (calmly): She's been having mood swings lately.
Older male friend: What?
Girl (calmly): Mood swings.
Older male friend: What?
Girl (angry): Mood swings, you ass bag!

–E Train

Overheard by: Jillian

Cheerful man with baby strapped to his chest: Lets all go stick our heads in the microwave!

–77th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

40-something man: They just upped my credit limit to $3,500, so on top of the few hundred I have saved up, I guess you could call me a ghetto millionaire… (later) So she's all depressed and wants to kill herself, says she's gonna jump off something. I told her, "Girl, you live in Duluth. You jump off anything there, the only thing that'll happen is you'll break your leg.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: He later used my shoulder as a pillow

Girl on cell: What a fucking selfish bitch. I can't believe she did that. I mean, I know she was like depressed or whatever, but you don't just hang yourself at your ex-boyfriend's house. (pause) No, I'm sorry, you don't just wait for everyone to go to sleep, sneak out, and hang yourself so then everyone has to find you like that. What a bitch.

–Megabus NYC

Overheard by: Tina

MTA employee, in between ordering food: They're all jumping on the tracks now. Everybody's committing suicide. They used to wait until Christmas. Now it's every day!

–Restaurant, Kew Gardens

Overheard by: Abbieprime

6th grader #1: I don't want to go to tennis, I want to stay after school today.
6th grader #2: I can't, I'm going to be out until 7.
6th grader #1: Why?
6th grader #2: I have a social life.
6th grader #1: You don't have a social life; you have a therapist!

–Trevor Day School

Boyfriend: That's why I like you: you're so unpretentious.
Girlfriend: I'm not unpretentious, I'm a reverse snob.

–Central Park

Haggard-looking middle-aged woman: Hi, yes, I need a refill. I need my Xanax. (short pause) My life is hell.

–CVS Pharmacy, 42nd & 10th Ave

Suit on cell: No mom, I'm not going to just start popping antidepressants without seeing a professional first! Why would you even say that?!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: I'd have prescribed some ritalin for him

MTA conductor over loudspeaker: Hey Bobby! Lay off the steroids, they're making your voice sound funny!

–MTA Harlem Line Train

Overheard by: Nina

Loud suit on cell: Hello? Yes, hi, I'd like to order a Viagra pill. Only one, sir. No, no, just one. Sir, I want only one pill of Viagra, can you do that for me? Can I pick it up tomorrow? Great, thank you. I look forward to seeing you. Take care now, bye bye.

–44th St & 3rd Ave

20-something girl: Whenever I have a bad day, I think "How did Hillary Clinton feel?" and then I don't feel so bad. I mean they must have put her on sedatives to make it through that.

–C Train

Cute girl on cell: Well, tell her if she takes all those pills I'm going to kill her!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: arctinus

Crazy guy to suit: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Suit: Get the fuck away from me before I stab you.

–D Train

Overheard by: Oh snap!

Drunk girl #1: So how are you feeling?
Drunk girl #2: A little disoriented…I've been upside down for awhile.

–Bathroom, John St. Bar

Overheard by: Jillian