Loud teen #1: I thought your dad was Italian…?
Loud teen #2: He is Italian…and bipolar.
(silence)
Loud teen #3: I think there's something wrong with me…but I do not know what.
–Q Train
Overheard by: sara
Loud teen #1: I thought your dad was Italian…?
Loud teen #2: He is Italian…and bipolar.
(silence)
Loud teen #3: I think there's something wrong with me…but I do not know what.
–Q Train
Overheard by: sara
Button-down and khakis guy #1: I wish I had a bi-polar friend…it'd be like having two friends in one!
Button-down guy #2, completely serious: Yeah, that'd be awesome.
–Crocodile Lounge, 14th St
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
Effeminate bisexual man: I'm going to make you come so many times… The thing is, I have self-esteem problems, and…
Female friend: Well, then you should talk to a therapist about that, instead of preying on unsuspecting girls.
–LIRR
Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!
–22nd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Tigertail
Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!
–14th St & University Place
Overheard by: Bee
Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!
–Union Square
Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!
–9th St & 50th St
Overheard by: EmGusk
Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!
–St. Mark's & Ave A
Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism
Girl (calmly): She's been having mood swings lately.
Older male friend: What?
Girl (calmly): Mood swings.
Older male friend: What?
Girl (angry): Mood swings, you ass bag!
–E Train
Overheard by: Jillian
Cheerful man with baby strapped to his chest: Lets all go stick our heads in the microwave!
–77th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
40-something man: They just upped my credit limit to $3,500, so on top of the few hundred I have saved up, I guess you could call me a ghetto millionaire… (later) So she's all depressed and wants to kill herself, says she's gonna jump off something. I told her, "Girl, you live in Duluth. You jump off anything there, the only thing that'll happen is you'll break your leg.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: He later used my shoulder as a pillow
Girl on cell: What a fucking selfish bitch. I can't believe she did that. I mean, I know she was like depressed or whatever, but you don't just hang yourself at your ex-boyfriend's house. (pause) No, I'm sorry, you don't just wait for everyone to go to sleep, sneak out, and hang yourself so then everyone has to find you like that. What a bitch.
–Megabus NYC
Overheard by: Tina
MTA employee, in between ordering food: They're all jumping on the tracks now. Everybody's committing suicide. They used to wait until Christmas. Now it's every day!
–Restaurant, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: Abbieprime
6th grader #1: I don't want to go to tennis, I want to stay after school today.
6th grader #2: I can't, I'm going to be out until 7.
6th grader #1: Why?
6th grader #2: I have a social life.
6th grader #1: You don't have a social life; you have a therapist!
–Trevor Day School
Boyfriend: That's why I like you: you're so unpretentious.
Girlfriend: I'm not unpretentious, I'm a reverse snob.
–Central Park
Haggard-looking middle-aged woman: Hi, yes, I need a refill. I need my Xanax. (short pause) My life is hell.
–CVS Pharmacy, 42nd & 10th Ave
Suit on cell: No mom, I'm not going to just start popping antidepressants without seeing a professional first! Why would you even say that?!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: I'd have prescribed some ritalin for him
MTA conductor over loudspeaker: Hey Bobby! Lay off the steroids, they're making your voice sound funny!
–MTA Harlem Line Train
Overheard by: Nina
Loud suit on cell: Hello? Yes, hi, I'd like to order a Viagra pill. Only one, sir. No, no, just one. Sir, I want only one pill of Viagra, can you do that for me? Can I pick it up tomorrow? Great, thank you. I look forward to seeing you. Take care now, bye bye.
–44th St & 3rd Ave
20-something girl: Whenever I have a bad day, I think "How did Hillary Clinton feel?" and then I don't feel so bad. I mean they must have put her on sedatives to make it through that.
–C Train
Cute girl on cell: Well, tell her if she takes all those pills I'm going to kill her!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: arctinus
