Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game.

–Panera, Queens

Overheard by: NBG1

Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem?

–Green Apple Cafe

Overheard by: Julie

Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are!

–Nokia Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: dan

Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'.

–E Train

Overheard by: MrsBall

Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow!

–Times Square

Overheard by: JYC

Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block!

–E 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Steve G

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brothers, Cleanliness, Condoms, Crying, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Hook Ups, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Psychology, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Smegma, Sorority Girls, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Threats, Time, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder!

Girl to friend: Yeah, so before I came in here I wasn't a vegetarian, but now my expectations have changed.

–New Williamsburg Cafe

Overheard by: Nick Ace

Jenny*: When I say that I'm a vegan, the other Jenny, the little Texan Jenny inside of me goes, "you are so disgusting!"

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Southern Carnivore

White flyer lady, singing: Peeeeople! Veeeegans have bet-ter-sex, bet-ter-health, and live decades longer to enjoy it all!

–LaSalle & Broadway

Wannabe vegan on cell: Is applesauce vegan?

–Denny's

Guy: You know how vegetarians say they won't eat anything with a face? So what about that woman that got attacked by the chimp? Would they eat her? (stunned silence) Too soon?

–Steinway & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Go Rangers!

Posted on June 17, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Body Parts, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, On Cell, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Williamsburg

It's Like the Dominatrix Of Cities

Elderly woman to elderly man, as a young girl narrowly escapes getting hit by a car: Oh my god, what is it with these crazy people!? I hate this city more and more each day.
Elderly man: Well then, why do you live here?
Elderly woman: Because I love it.

–83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Dee Dee

Posted on June 15, 2009
Gripes, Love, Old People, Psychology, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Or Your Racist Riddles, Doreen

Girl: Do you think Africans take antidepressants?
Guy: I really don't like you.

–L Train

Posted on June 5, 2009
Foreigners, Girls, Guys, KKK, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners: Because You're Worth It.

Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like…decisions?

–Bathroom, Columbia University

Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave!

–87th & Lexington

Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh…randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing!

–Chat N Chew Restaurant

Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues.

–4 Ttrain

Overheard by: Megz

Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me.

–5 Train

Posted on May 6, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girlfriends, Girls, Hair, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Genius Is 1% Inspiration and 99% Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.

–69th & York

Overheard by: Eugene

Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.

–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker

Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.

–C train

Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.

–Thompson & Spring

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Religion, Soho, Suits, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't the Brightest Pencils in the Shed

Guy, refusing to hold on to train pole: I'm trying to see how stupid I can really be.

–7 Train

Overheard by: jj

Train conductor: Next stop, 42nd. If you want to transfer to the e, I think it's running on the r, so get off next stop and walk to the r line. Don't be an idiot and wait for a train that ain't coming. Get off at 42nd and go to the r line.

–A Train

Overheard by: Amy

Chubby girl, passionately arguing on cell: I really believe Fabio is so not stupid. (pause) Seriously! He just has trouble…um…communicating.

–Outside Educational Housing Services, Clark & Henry

Overheard by: Blue Steel

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an idiot on board. He knows who he is.

–N Train

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Directions, Girls, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Wednesday One-Liners

Hey You Kids, Leave That Mannequin Alone

Girl: He's so awkward. He's a wallflower that stands in the middle of the room.
Guy: Yeah, he's awkward.

–109th & Central Park West

Headline by: Ron D.

Runners-Up:
· “Al Gore Gets Few Invitations” – Coyoty
· “Everyone Wishes Carrot Top Would Retire” – Emily Leonard
· “How It All Began: Hitler at His First Bar Mitzvah” – Nick Pollotta
· “She Realized Shortly Thereafter She Was Talking to a Parrot” – amp
· “That Is Just Jacob Dylan” – Bigwb

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 20, 2009
Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

I Think Mr. Cheney's Just Getting Old

Girl: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he has amnesia.
Friend: I guess that explains why he's falling asleep all the time!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Bernard

Posted on April 14, 2009
Friends, Girls, Psychology, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway

Whereas San Francisco Girls Want to Do Both

Young European man: New York girls do not like to have doors held open for them.
Young European woman: New York girls either want to slap you or go to bed with you. Nothing in between.

–A Train

Posted on April 12, 2009
Bitch-slap, Foreigners, Gender issues, Hook Ups, On the Subway, Only in New York, Psychology, Wishes & desires

Psychology