Voice on speaker: Stand clear of the closing doors.
Conductor with head out of window: Shut up!
Voice on speaker: 308, 308…
Conductor with head out of window: Shut up!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Voice on speaker: Stand clear of the closing doors.
Conductor with head out of window: Shut up!
Voice on speaker: 308, 308…
Conductor with head out of window: Shut up!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Conductor at subway door yelling at guy in suit: Stop holding the subway door.
Guy in suit: Want to take off your belt and beat me?
–E Train
Overheard by: Fellow Subway Rider
Tourist, before getting into purse-filled van: Aw shit, what did I just say? I said I was not getting into any strange vans today.
–Canal & Lafayette
Pseudo-knowledgeable tourist: It's so strange that they have turnstiles that go both ways, you know, ones that let you go in and out in the same turnstile. Every other subway station I've been in in New York has ones for entering and different ones for exiting.
–5th Ave E Station
Overheard by: Colleen
French tourist (with American accent) to French friends: Stand clear of the closing doors, please. (French tourists bust up laughing)
–1 Train
Overheard by: kdub
30-something female tourist heading to subway: I prefer the Sex and the City version of New York.
–Union Square
Overheard by: E-Love
Old woman tourist: Geez, you'd think they'd be a little more optimistic at the United Nations.
–United Nations
Teenage British boy tourist to the rest of his family, as they pass a souvenir shop: Oh! This must be where Tim got that "I heart New York" shirt! (whole family excitedly goes into the store)
–Fulton St
Bus conductor: Next stop, Atlantic City.
Passengers: Huh?!
Bus conductor: Ah! I mean Amsterdam Avenue!
Passenger #1: Hmmmm, are we safe on this bus?
–M4 Bus
Little boy: Grandpa, how are we going to get home?
Grandpa: (flaps his arms like he is a flying bird)
–6 Train
Overheard by: Meg.
Conductor (for the fifth time): You must be in one of the first five cars to get out at South Ferry. You must be in one of the first five cars.
Black chick: We heard you the first ten damn times!
Crazy guy: You don't control the subway, Houston controls the subway!
Black chick: I don't know what you be sayin' but we speak English here in America.
Crazy guy: You don't control the subway, Houston controls the subway! …do you like Whitney Houston?
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Trey C.
Girl #1: But then I saw the l train and I didn't even know where I was, but I was like, “Ooooh, the l train! They sing about that!”
Girl #2: That's Chicago.
–F Train
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (doors stay open) Pull yourself inside the door and let it close! (still open) Pull your pecker in! (doors close)
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: drew
Toddler at bus stop, throwing a fit: No! I don't want to get on the bus!
Bus driver: Come on! The bus is a fun place!
Nearby passenger: Yeah, I love the bus! Why don't you join us?
Boy's mother: Get your ass on the fucking bus.
–Q44
Conductor: This is a reminder that soliciting is illegal on all New York City subway trains, even if it's for the homeless.
Loud ghetto guy: Attention ladies and gentleman, I'm collecting money for the homeless. Help the homeless? Help the homeless?
Conductor: This is a reminder that soliciting is illegal on all New York City subway trains, even if it's for the homeless. This is his fourth trip. Don't do it.
Loud ghetto guy: Attention ladies and gentlemen, I'm collecting money for the homeless. Help the homeless? Help the homeless?
–Shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square
Overheard by: Alison R.
