Young woman: Dude, you forgot your purse at my house!
Flamboyantly gay man: It's not a purse, biatch, it's a satchel.
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: anna
Young woman: Dude, you forgot your purse at my house!
Flamboyantly gay man: It's not a purse, biatch, it's a satchel.
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: anna
Teenage Guido in Guidomobile, to friend: Hey, it looks like a sports car… But it's a Beetle!
Gay guy in bright blue Beetle: Well, your car probably goes faster, but this is a lot of fun to drive.
(pause while gears grind teenage Guido's brain)
Teenage Guido: Is that your girlfriend's car?
–4th Ave & Pacific St
Gay man #1: Is he straight?
Gay man #2: Yeah. But he loves a good gay bar!
–Astoria Park
Dramasexual #1: Well, at least he’s clean.
Dramasexual #2: …robots are clean.
–NYU Education Building, W. 4th Street
Chelsea guy #1: …but no, seriously, you look really hot. I mean you’ve always been in great shape, but…
Chelsea guy #2: Yeah, but you know it’s all about attitude anyway. I could stop working out and guys would still be dropping at my feet. They always have been.
–NYSC, West 14th Street
Overheard by: J-Mo.
Girl: Someone just needs to push him off the gay cliff, ‘cuz he’s not jumpin!
–Varick &Vandam
Ghetto girl: I seen Whoopie Goldberg’s daughter! She a lesbian, light-skinned, and she bad!
–9th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: david hyman
Darrell Hammond: It’s only queer if you’re on the bottom.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Angry man on cell: This is exactly why I don’t date bisexual guys!
–3rd Ave & 9th St
Girl on cell: I still don’t get why you dumped him. Just ’cause you’re a lesbian and he’s got that thing for unicorns doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have been cute together.
–2nd & A
Thug: So I was eating that bitch out, and yo, yo, she told me that she was a lez…A lesbian yo! A lesbian!
–Manhattan Ave & 103rd St
Overheard by: Carol – walking slowly so as to hear the rest
Queer: My friend Carol has been dating gay guys for years and fails to realize it until it’s too late!
–Jamaica Ave and 150th St
Overheard by: Rodney-Rod
Queer #1: Somebody should give him some gum. His breath smells really bad.
Queer #2: I know! I see why everybody calls him “shit-breath”.
Girl: You guys, he’s already chewing gum.
Queer #1: Ewwww.
–NYU Classroom
Overheard by: Paul
Girl: Did you hear about that 20 year old guy in Texas who started his own theater company?
Guy: No, I didn’t.
Girl: Really? Well you should, Mr. Texas!
Guy: Yeah, they stopped sending me the newsletter when they found out I was gay.
–Sardi’s, W. 44th Street
Queer #1: Well, it’s because they have an open relationship and it seems that Dan is the only one who takes advantage of the openness a lot.
Queer #2: So is it love, because there’s mutually acceptable whoring? It could be love, you know. There’s consensus.
–L train
Queer: So I hit my head on the locker door at the gym, and I think I damaged my cervical cortex.
Chick: I fucking hate you.
–Lispenard St
Overheard by: fat dragon
Headline by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Runners-Up:
· “He’s Fucked In the Head” – John
· “I Knew You Cheated Off me on the Anatomy Exam!” – kyla
· “I Also Bruised my Temporal Labia” – Justin
· “It’s Like Childbirth Every Time I Think” – alaina
· “It’s Near the Mangina” – chris
· “Katie Holmes Finally Wakes Up” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Now I Have Two Cunts Giving me a Headache.” – rather decline
· “Oddly Enough, All He Hears Is ‘You’re Fabulous'” – Alexandria Symonds
· “She Failed Her ‘Bedside Manner’ Class in Med School” – AL
· “Since You got Word-of-the-Day Toilet Paper, Things Haven’t Been the Same” – Cheeky Brit
· “So, He Looks Great, Has a Gym Membership AND a Cervix. No Wonder She Can’t Get a Date.” – Mel Mouse
· “What Mr. and Mrs. Bush Say Behind Closed Doors” – Marissa
