Queer guys

Teenager: Do you know where the Gay Pride Parade is?… I’m not gay!

–Astor Place

Guy: And so, this one gay guy in your office was wearing these pants, and his fly was open and this straight guy could see his penis, or some shit like that, right?

–9th St, Park Slope

Queer on cell: You really think she’s into gay guys?

–NYU

Guy, pointing to gay hipster: That’s like “I like it in the bum” written in hair.

–Peculier Pub, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Mad

Mom, to young son: It’s not a matter of being gay or not, darling. I just won’t let you participate in your school play.

–Broadway

Girl: Well, I couldn’t really sing the last part. We were both on our backs with our legs wide open. The only redeeming fact is that he was gay!

–Corbin Plaza, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Flamboyant tween boy: I hate health class! You know what I’m going to do in health class today? I’m going to tell the teacher I’m gay! And that I like to suck dick!

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Queer #1: What should we do tonight? Something fun.
Queer #2: We could pierce something?

–Starbucks, Lower East Side

Overheard by: nicolina

Young woman: Dude, you forgot your purse at my house!
Flamboyantly gay man: It's not a purse, biatch, it's a satchel.

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: anna

Teenage Guido in Guidomobile, to friend: Hey, it looks like a sports car… But it's a Beetle!
Gay guy in bright blue Beetle: Well, your car probably goes faster, but this is a lot of fun to drive.
(pause while gears grind teenage Guido's brain)
Teenage Guido: Is that your girlfriend's car?

–4th Ave & Pacific St

Gay man #1: Is he straight?
Gay man #2: Yeah. But he loves a good gay bar!

–Astoria Park

Dramasexual #1: Well, at least he’s clean.
Dramasexual #2: …robots are clean.

–NYU Education Building, W. 4th Street

Chelsea guy #1: …but no, seriously, you look really hot. I mean you’ve always been in great shape, but…
Chelsea guy #2: Yeah, but you know it’s all about attitude anyway. I could stop working out and guys would still be dropping at my feet. They always have been.

–NYSC, West 14th Street

Overheard by: J-Mo.

Girl: Someone just needs to push him off the gay cliff, ‘cuz he’s not jumpin!

–Varick &Vandam

Ghetto girl: I seen Whoopie Goldberg’s daughter! She a lesbian, light-skinned, and she bad!

–9th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: david hyman

Darrell Hammond: It’s only queer if you’re on the bottom.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Angry man on cell: This is exactly why I don’t date bisexual guys!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Girl on cell: I still don’t get why you dumped him. Just ’cause you’re a lesbian and he’s got that thing for unicorns doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have been cute together.

–2nd & A

Thug: So I was eating that bitch out, and yo, yo, she told me that she was a lez…A lesbian yo! A lesbian!

–Manhattan Ave & 103rd St

Overheard by: Carol – walking slowly so as to hear the rest

Queer: My friend Carol has been dating gay guys for years and fails to realize it until it’s too late!

–Jamaica Ave and 150th St

Overheard by: Rodney-Rod

Queer #1: Somebody should give him some gum. His breath smells really bad.
Queer #2: I know! I see why everybody calls him “shit-breath”.
Girl: You guys, he’s already chewing gum.
Queer #1: Ewwww.

–NYU Classroom

Overheard by: Paul

Girl: Did you hear about that 20 year old guy in Texas who started his own theater company?
Guy: No, I didn’t.
Girl: Really? Well you should, Mr. Texas!
Guy: Yeah, they stopped sending me the newsletter when they found out I was gay.

–Sardi’s, W. 44th Street