Skinny gay guy #1: Oh, I can't. It's drag queen puppet bingo night.
Skinny gay guy #2: It's the only one in town! We can't miss it!
–44th & 9th
Skinny gay guy #1: Oh, I can't. It's drag queen puppet bingo night.
Skinny gay guy #2: It's the only one in town! We can't miss it!
–44th & 9th
Queer #1: I am sorry, I did not mean it.
Queer #2 (angrily): What do you mean you didn’t mean it? You told me that you loved me. You can’t just take that back!
Queer #1: Sorry.
Queer #2: What do you mean you’re sorry!?
(pause for a block)
Queer #1: Thanks for the help. Now I feel ready to tell Brian.
–Univeristy Place &14th St
Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.
–Barnard College
Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!
–Brooklyn Tech HS
16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.
–The Beacon School
Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.
–Dojo Resaurant
Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…
Girl #1: You know, I’ve never met a gay person that wasn’t West Indian.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah. You know [Toby] in the office? He came in today and asked me how much time off he could get when he gets married to his boyfriend.
Girl #2: But he’s bald!…And he’s not West Indian.
Girl #1: Oh yeah.
–3 train
Beer buddy #1: I have a question. You know how there are plenty of girls who won’t do oral or anal sex, right?
Beer buddy #2: No girl who I’d waste any time with, but yeah. So?
Beer buddy #1: So, statistically there must be some homosexual guys who won’t do oral or anal sex, right? I mean, just by the law of averages, there must be, right?
Beer buddy #2: So? Is this leading to some kind of hypothesis?
Beer buddy #1: Well, if a gay guy isn’t into oral or anal sex, where does he fit into the gay community?
Beer buddy #3: He could do a lot of other things. He could let other guys piss into his mouth, he could jack off onto other guys, he could do circle jerks, he could be a bukkake boy… There’s lots of stuff he could do.
Beer buddy #1: Oh, yeah. I never thought of that.
Queer at next table, getting up to leave: He could also be fitted with a leather hood, suspended from the ceiling, and taught discipline. If you want to know more, here’s my card.
–Bar, Soho
Overheard by: Big Larry
Queer: … And he had a huge dick.
Mortified fag hag covering her face: You can’t say that in public! People can hear you!
Queer: Yeah, we didn’t actually hook up. I just wanted to embarrass you.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: someone at the next table
Chick #1: I mean, I think we should do it…
Chick #2: Yeah. I mean, you’re gay, he’s gay, and I’m kinda gay…
–St. Mark’s
Gay suit #1: So did you hear that he got a new apartment?
Gay suit #2: No!
Gay suit #1: I'd say it's the house that porn built.
–Chelsea
Professor: Where is the line between what is homosexual and what is not? Is a circle jerk not gay? Oh, god. I’m sorry to anyone who doesn’t know what that is.
–NYU
Girl: It makes you look gay, and I don’t mean good gay.
–The Gap, 17th St & 5th Ave
Flamboyant man on cell: I got you the one that had an ‘L.V.’ on it… How am I supposed to know what that means? I’m not that kind of gay!
–Grand St & Broadway
Overheard by: callmedrpalmer
TA: We can talk about boy sex, but we can’t talk about homosexuality.
–Classroom, NYU
Queer: Wait, how did you end up the gayest? Because I started out the gayest!
–Time Square
Overheard by: Tourist Who Blends
Bimbette: No, Jesus was gay. That’s the only solution.
–4 train
Overheard by: solution to what?
Queer #1: That Joey guy is so hot.
Queer #2: Joey the bottom?
Queer #1: Yeah…
–4th Street & 1st Avenue
Overheard by: Mike M.
