Twink: Okay, new rule, new rule! “If you can't fuck me standing up, you can't fuck me”.
Friend: Yeah.
Twink: Actually, that is a really good rule.
–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar, West Village
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Twink: Okay, new rule, new rule! “If you can't fuck me standing up, you can't fuck me”.
Friend: Yeah.
Twink: Actually, that is a really good rule.
–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar, West Village
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Female suit: Every time he answers his phone it's with his business greeting. Like, it's your wife, dude, just say hi! God, I hate him.
Gay suit: Yeah, it's like she's the only person who thinks you're important, anyway!
–5th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: CollegiateCutie
Gay male: I just want to get naked, go home, and smoke crack.
Fag hag, casually: Okay.
–Perry Street
Gay #1: So how's the gay scene been treating you since you moved here?
Gay #2: Eh. City cock isn't really my type.
–Borough Hall
Overheard by: lusherz
Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.
–Fox News Breakroom
Overheard by: CreateEvity
College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?
Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.
–123rd & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!
–Lafayette & White
Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine
Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?
–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Dude: So what have you been up to lately?
Gay friend: Oh, nothing. (pause) Oh! I've been writing a book about Shrek!
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: Cori
Gay guy #1: I shouldn't have told them about it.
Gay guy #2: Oh, don't feel bad. We're both going to hell anyway.
–1 Train
Hipster girl: So, we were talking about, like, Derrida, and like the universe, and then he just kissed me. It was so romantic.
Hipster gay guy, clearly not listening, staring into phone: Oh, so cute. So cute.
Hipster girl: James*, he kissed me!
Hipster gay guy: Woof, woof. Bark. Arf!
Hipster girl: What?
Hipster gay guy: I thought you were talking about a dog, so I chimed in.
Hipster girl: You need to stop doing E.
Hipster gay guy: It makes masturbating great, though.
–Columbia University
Gay man: Oh my god, look!
Gayer man: What? That dead baby or those shoes?
Gay man: Yeah, the shoes.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Shane
Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.
–L Train
Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.
–69th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ana
Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.
–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam
Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Modern Guilt
