The Technicolor Yawn Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.

–LIRR

Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it's hot. C) someone threw up.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Gay NYU student: I've already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.

–LIRR, Drunk Train

Overheard by: Jason

Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto's, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)

–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)

–MacDougal St, The Village

Overheard by: Reid Rogers

Posted on February 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, NYC Geography, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Pity the Woman Who Lets a Gay Man Decorate Her Junk

Girl #1: So, Matt* is back with Della*.
Queer: Even though her vagina smells funny?
Girl #2: I need to pee, y’all.

–1 train

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on January 26, 2022
Friends, On the Subway, Pee, Queer guys, Relationships, Scents of the City, Vagina

Sadly, the Wart, Green Skin, and Pointed Hat Were Effectively Invisible Compared with the Limp Wrist, Sashaying Hips, and Love of Shoes

Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype…. Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Posted on January 22, 2022
Babies, Central Park, Food, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Idiots, Queer guys, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

I Was a Kid in the '80's, Sweetheart

(two gay men are adjusting a backpack)
Gay guy #1: Oww, are you sure you know what you're doing?
Gay guy #2: Don't question me! I know how to use Velcro.

–51st Street Station

Posted on January 18, 2022
Clothing, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Maybe You Can Do Him With Your Billfold

Queer #1: Oh my god, you work at a hedge fund? How much money do you make and how big is your cock?
Queer #2: Uhh… Eight and two. But I’m not telling you which is which.

–Phoenix, 13th & A

Overheard by: Queer #3

Posted on January 1, 2022
Comebacks, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Queer guys, Questions, Union Square and East Village

La Cage Aux Wednesday One-Liners

Queer on cell: And then, at the end of the evening, I was like, ‘Ta ta, motherfucker.’

–PATH train from Hoboken

Queer: There’s no such thing as gay and straight. I think of it more in terms of what people will let me do to them.

–101st & Broadway

Queer: She is so annoying. I’m like, ‘I’ll pay for your coffin, just die already!’

–E train

Overheard by: Miss Meliss

Flaming queer on cell: Hello? Are you listening to me? Are you listening, faggot? Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot!

–Broadway & Astor Pl

Overheard by: Renee B.

Proud queer: Today was the first time in years I peed like this! [Holds hands up] Didn’t have to wash my hands because I didn’t use ’em!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Hametuka

Queer: Her name is Dakota! It’s just awful. Her parents hate her.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: emily

Posted on December 20, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Queer guys, Sexuality, Wednesday One-Liners

Resistance is Futile

Queer: Does your family have ham or turkey for Christmas dinner?
Girl: We can’t have ham on Christmas, it isn’t kosher. We have turkey.
Queer: Why are you celebrating Christmas if you’re Jewish?
Girl: Dunno. Good question.

–East Village

Posted on December 14, 2021
Holidays, Jews, Kosher food, Queer guys, Union Square and East Village

Oh, a Bonobo?

Girl: If you were an animal, what would you be?
Boy: Fabulous?

–Balducci’s

Overheard by: That’s not an animal

Posted on November 26, 2021
Animals & Nature, Delis, Queer guys, Questions, Words

Sucking My Cock Is One Thing, But Rooting for the Sox Is Over the Top

Queer #1, to girl in Red Sox shirt: The Red Sox are fabulous!
Queer #2: Can you be any more gay?

–West 4th & Perry

Posted on November 25, 2021
Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Sports, The Village

The Country Wakes Up with a Sore Ass and a Bad Taste in Its Mouth

Girl: Isn’t Rumsfeld gay? I mean, isn’t he, like, a known closet queen?
Queer: I don’t… Is he? Is my ‘dar off?
Girl: I think so.
Queer: No, I don’t. I can’t imagine any gay man would be self-hating enough to fuck Donald Rumsfeld.
Girl: Oh, please. Gay men have been self-hating enough to kill other gay men.
Queer: Yeah, but killing someone and fucking Rumsfeld are two very different things.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: I’d rather kill someone

Posted on September 30, 2021
Brooklyn, Politics, Queer guys

Queer guys