Queer #1: Oh my god, you work at a hedge fund? How much money do you make and how big is your cock?
Queer #2: Uhh… Eight and two. But I’m not telling you which is which.
–Phoenix, 13th & A
Overheard by: Queer #3
Queer #1: Oh my god, you work at a hedge fund? How much money do you make and how big is your cock?
Queer #2: Uhh… Eight and two. But I’m not telling you which is which.
–Phoenix, 13th & A
Overheard by: Queer #3
Queer on cell: And then, at the end of the evening, I was like, ‘Ta ta, motherfucker.’
–PATH train from Hoboken
Queer: There’s no such thing as gay and straight. I think of it more in terms of what people will let me do to them.
–101st & Broadway
Queer: She is so annoying. I’m like, ‘I’ll pay for your coffin, just die already!’
–E train
Overheard by: Miss Meliss
Flaming queer on cell: Hello? Are you listening to me? Are you listening, faggot? Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot!
–Broadway & Astor Pl
Overheard by: Renee B.
Proud queer: Today was the first time in years I peed like this! [Holds hands up] Didn’t have to wash my hands because I didn’t use ’em!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hametuka
Queer: Her name is Dakota! It’s just awful. Her parents hate her.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: emily
Queer: Does your family have ham or turkey for Christmas dinner?
Girl: We can’t have ham on Christmas, it isn’t kosher. We have turkey.
Queer: Why are you celebrating Christmas if you’re Jewish?
Girl: Dunno. Good question.
–East Village
Girl: If you were an animal, what would you be?
Boy: Fabulous?
–Balducci’s
Overheard by: That’s not an animal
Queer #1, to girl in Red Sox shirt: The Red Sox are fabulous!
Queer #2: Can you be any more gay?
–West 4th & Perry
Girl: Isn’t Rumsfeld gay? I mean, isn’t he, like, a known closet queen?
Queer: I don’t… Is he? Is my ‘dar off?
Girl: I think so.
Queer: No, I don’t. I can’t imagine any gay man would be self-hating enough to fuck Donald Rumsfeld.
Girl: Oh, please. Gay men have been self-hating enough to kill other gay men.
Queer: Yeah, but killing someone and fucking Rumsfeld are two very different things.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: I’d rather kill someone
Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade."
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Dashing Dan
Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.
–21st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.
–10th & 1st
Overheard by: ED
Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.
–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens
Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.
–50th St & 9th Ave
Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.
–F Train
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
30-something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself.
–Miracle Grill
Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos
Girl: So I decided that from now on, I'm not kissing anyone on one night stands.
Queer (gasping): That's so Pretty Woman!
–A Train
Latina to male stranger: I’m bi, my homegirl bi, my sister bi. My other sister kissed a girl…
Girl nearby: My mom bi.
Guy: But I’m not. I’m gay.
–Bus
Overheard by: needs a car
