Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It's downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!
–Canal St
Overheard by: InShock
Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It's downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!
–Canal St
Overheard by: InShock
Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!
–Soho
Overheard by: Anastassia
Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.
–L Train
Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!
–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…
–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.
–William & Cedar
Overheard by: Laura
Queer #1: So how is that girlfriend of yours?
Queer #2: What girlfriend?
Queer #1: You know, the one we had the threesome with.
Queer #2: Oh yeah, Constance…oh, she’s crazy.
–Greenwich & Gansevoort
Queer eye: Lindsay Lohan wore this dress on the cover of Teen Vogue; ever since then, it’s been like…crack cocaine.
–Marc Jacobs, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Mat Triebner
Drunk queers: Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the waaay!
Jaded teen, to no one: I’m in hell. This is my hell.
Drunk queers: Oh, what fun it is to ride in a no-horse big subwaaay!
Black queer: Come on! Everybody! Jingle bells! Jingle bells! [Train comes to abrupt stop and all carolers fall over.]Jaded teen: Was that karma? I think that’s karma. Now I’m happy again.
–1 train
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Waitress: Hi, sweetie, how are you?! Can I get you some more coffee, sweetie? Sweetie, you look like you’ve had a rough night, can I get you something else?
Queer looking up at waitress for a silent minute: Darling, I really hope this is your first day, ’cause clearly you are not skilled in the art of serving New Yorkers. I don’t know how they do things down South, but here in the city you ask us what we want, you bring it to us, and you walk away. You don’t make small talk, you don’t ask what’s wrong, and you sure as fuck don’t call us ‘Sweetie.’ Get it?
Waitress: Well, screw you! I don’t need to sit here and listen to some bratty–
Queer, clapping: –Yes! Just like that! Except next time, instead of ‘Screw you,’ I’d say ‘Fuck you.’ Much more effective. Now, may I please have a cup of coffee? Thanks, Georgia.
–Chelsea diner
Highly agitated gay man, bleach-blond, indeterminately biracial: My mother was black! She died in 1999!
Middle aged black woman: Now, wait a second…
Highly agitated gay man: My mother was black and my father was Chinese!
Middle aged black woman: Now, you just don't worry about them…
Highly agitated gay man: If I'm white, it's because my black mother was white!
Middle aged black woman: Now you're just bein' crazy.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MPW
Blonde: Sean, Em just told us something very interesting about herself!
Queer: What? Oh my god! Did you finally have butt sex? I knew it! You let him stick it in your butt.
–Outside the W, Union Square
Overheard by: she had a nice butt…
Queer #1: Okay, the question is, would you do Anderson Cooper?
Queer #2: I’d do him.
Queer #3: I’d do him too.
Queer #4: I wouldn’t do him.
Queer #5: I so wouldn’t do him.
Queer #6: I would do him.
Queer #1: I wouldn’t do him. Can anyone count? Was it a tie? Shit. Now what?
–Food Bar, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Laight
Queer #1: I sucked you off and swallowed your cum!
Queer #2: Shh, not now, someone will hear.
Queer #1: No! No one is listening!
Girl next to them: Actually, I'm listening.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Carly
