Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Are Starting to Show

Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?

–27th & 6th

Overheard by: Seamus Diddy

Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.

–86th & 1st

Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!

–Forever 21, Union Square

Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."

–Toys R Us Times Square

Overheard by: Non Father

Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!

–Whole Foods, Bowery

Overheard by: office peon

And Straight!

14-year-old Mexican girl #1: I might start telling people he's my son, instead of my little brother.
14-year-old Mexican girl #2: Why would you want to do that?
14-year-old Mexican girl #1: Because then guys will think I'm easy!

–N Train

Is It Our Anniversary Already?

Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.

–113th & Amsterdam

Two Girls, One Gap

Woman to friends: Girl, you know how to do some rollers?
Friend: Damn, honey, I don't know how to do none of that shit. I could braid, I could perm, but that's it. You know that bitch Julia, she Mexican. She could do it. She know how to multitask.
Conductor: Please watch the gap as you exit the train, ladies and gentlemen.
Friend: Damn! That's a big ass gap, my ass almost fell over!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Got Your Passport?

Woman: Is the next stop the last stop on the train?
Man: The next stop is the last stop in New York. After that, all the stops are in Brooklyn.

–2 Train

…With a Variety Of Different Fruits and Vegetables.

Dude #1, looking at Yu-Gi-Oh! cards: Oh man, opening a new pack is pleasurable. Like having sex.
Dude #2: How do you know? You have sex?
Dude #1: Trust me, I know. I have sex.

–Anime Castle

…and Offered the Same Job at Minimum Wage

Black chick #1: How mad was she?
Black chick #2: She's as mad as if she was just let out of slavery yesterday.

–Aveda Salon, Upper West Side

That Guy Changes His Hair Color More Than I Do!

Girl #1: So how is every thing?
Girl #2: Good, I talked to James… He’s dying.
Girl #1: Ah, I see.
Girl #2: Yeah, so things are great! (nods repeatedly)

–Exiting City Hall Station

And I Only Punched Her Lightly

Guy #1: I don't know what happened! She bought me a drink and then all of a sudden her friend tells me off!
Guy #2: What did you say?
Guy #1: Well I kinda told her she was socially inept.
Guy #2: Did you actually say that?
Guy #1: No, I said she was retarded.

–32nd & 5th

Overheard by: Amused

She Also Goes to Brasseries, Looking for Lingerie.

Customer, after studying menu: Do you have turkey sandwiches?
Cashier: We're a Turkish restaurant, not turkey restaurant. We have lamb. (pointing towards large spinning leg on spit)
Customer: That's not turkey. (walks away)

–Bereket Turkish Restaurant

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist