Southern tourist #1: Where are you folks from?
Southern tourist #2: North Carolina.
Southern tourist #1: I'm from Virginia. I could tell you're from the South too because you're smiling. Northerners don't smile.
–45th St & Broadway
Overheard by: unsmiling new yorker
Woman: Open up my pants, and what do you find?
Man: Bing-bong, it's chlamydia!
–E Train
Overheard by: HappyCamper
Jappy yeshiva girl #1: So I really wanted those boots, but I couldn't find them online for less than $190, but then I found them for $110, so I just bought them and told my nana to just take $100 out of my allowance. But she was like, “no, it's okay.”
Jappy yeshiva girl #2: That's so nice.
Jappy yeshiva girl #1: I know, and I was like, “but nana, you said the market was really bad right now!”
Jappy yeshiva girl #2: What does your nana do?
Jappy yeshiva girl #1: She embezzles.
–Starbucks, 29th & Park Ave
Overheard by: little barista in the big city
Hippie dude: So then what happened?
Hippie girl: He asked if he could buy her a drink, and she said, “nah, but you can fuck me!”
–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave
Male student: (question is inaudible)
Old male professor: You want to have sex with me?
Male student: No, what's number six?
Old male professor: Oh,I was about to say I'm happily married.
–John Jay College
Overheard by: LMAO
Woman #1, watching New York City Gay Men's Chorus rehearse Single Ladies: Does anyone know what this is?
Woman #2: This is a New York moment!
–Symphony Space
Asian chick: Really!? Seriously!? That's so rude! I've never had anything like that happen to me before!
Blonde friend: Yeah, I know! What an asshole!
Asian chick: Wait, are you sure? He just fingered you with all those people in the restaurant watching?
(friends laugh)
Asian chick: Wait…what? I don't get it. That's what people say, right? He fingered you. He put his middle finger up.
Brunette friend, still laughing: No, no! He gave her the finger. He did not finger her.
Asian chick: Oh! Wow! I'm so glad I made that mistake now. I would have told everyone that she got fingered tonight.
–8th Ave, Chelsea
Overheard by: Wondering how anyone makes that mistake…
Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars??
–Office, 8th Ave
Overheard by: kpan
Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean?
–The Metropolitan Museum
Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here?
–W 103rd St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water?
–Jerome Avenue Line
Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train?
–Waiting Area, Penn Station
Overheard by: Not from New Jersey
Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw?
–Fisk Building
Lady shouting into cell: Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear!
–Flatbush Ave, Prospect Heights
Overheard by: Ja9
Deli cashier with heavy accent to West Indian man with heavy accent: I don't speak Jamaican! I speak English!
–Crown Heights
Overheard by: Holly
Man on crowd: Stop shoving! There are fucking kids here, watch out, asshole!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Alexis
Man walking with small kid on cell: Ain't no one cursing at yo! Fuck, why you got to be like that?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Heather
Woman on cell: I just hate for people to hear my conversations in public.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Nicole
20-something girl to two girlfriends: We've been dating for two months. Normally in my relationships, it's "he loves me, and I love me," but now I feel like he knows I like him, and that threatens me.
–Penn Station
8th grade boy to another: Aren't I the woman in this relationship?
–Bell Academy
Woman to friend: He said he wanted to dress me up, take me out, and show me off to the world. Instead we'd go out, he'd make me pay, and tell me how great everyone else looked.
–3rd Ave & 37th th
Cute guy in Yankees hat: I need a wild, destructive relationship for awhile.
–Brother Jimmy's, 81st & Amsterdam
Guy: Yeah, I just got over a long-term relationship. You know, two to three months.
–Starbucks, 67 & Columbus
Guy on cell: I don't know if I already told you this, but I don't have a job or a show. So we could go a date until the end of time.
–MacDougal & 7th St
Steve Guttenberg to way-too-young date: I like you and I would like to see you, just not every day.
–Upper West Side
