Teenage girl #1: Yeah, I celebrate Easter. I’m Catholic. It’s tradition for my family to go gambling in Atlantic City that day.
Teenage girl #2: Wait, isn’t that one of the seven unforgivable vices? You’re doing it on Easter, too. Haha.
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, well… We don’t really believe in that religion bullshit. Atlantic City allows us to stick it to the man.
Teenage girl #1: Is that Jesus? Wow, you’re going to hell.
–51st & Park Ave
Art teacher: This piece is from the enlightenment period in England and is called “Marriage a la Mode”.
Kid to friend: Wait… Marriage with ice cream?
–Bronx Science Art History Class
Overheard by: One with whipped cream please
Little girl to mother: Puberty means the period, right?
Mother to little girl: Yes, and the breasts. Don’t forget about the breasts.
–47th & Lexington
Overheard by: Simun
Tween girl to friends: Did you know kissing is good for your health?
Cashier lady: Kissing *who*?
–Loehmann’s Upper West Side
Trendy girl #1: I mean, Michelle’s one of my best friends…
Trendy girl #2: Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you, did Michelle and Kyle break up?
Trendy girl #1: I think so. According to Facebook.
–A Train
Guy from Michigan: That stripper robbed me.
Cop: How so?
Guy from Michigan: She said if I gave her $150 she would jerk me off. I payed her the $150 and she didn’t do it. I want her arrested.
Cop: Is everyone from Michigan an asshole or just you?
–Show World
Dad: So what’s that thing you want for your birthday again?
Little boy: A Wii.
Dad: Wii? As in wee-wee? Gross!
Little boy: You’re immature.
Dad: You wet the bed.
Little boy: You’re immature.
–1 Train
Guy #1: So there I was, screwing my pillow in my sleep… Ya know, really bouncing the bed.
Guy #2: So… What? She didn’t like that?
Guy #1: Well, ya know, she woke me up and asked if I was alright. Ya know. I mean I was laying there with a boner you could break rocks with and all confused. That’s when I said “Where’s Julie?”
Guy #2: That’s freakin’ messed up, man!”
Guy #1: Yeah. Crap… That being her sister’s name and all.
Guy #2: I’m going to laugh my ass off over this. Did you tell her it was Julie Andrews?
Guy #1: Fuck! I didn’t want her to think I was a pervert or something.
–NYU
Waiter from Minnesota: Yeah, check it out! Minnesota is the 2nd healthiest-eating state!
Bartender from Brooklyn: What do you eat in Minnesota?
Waiter: Well, there are a lot of Scandinavians there so we eat like, you know, sandwiches.
Bartender: (silence)
Waiter: What?
Bartender: You’re actually serious, aren’t you?
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: TrigStarr
Creepy guy: I was in Japan and went on this rampage and slept with this woman who was 38 and had a kid and was married. Her husband had a bad back and couldn’t have sex with her, but he was fully aware I was sleeping with her. I was kind of doing him a favor.
Creepy guy’s date: Did he watch?
Creepy guy: No, but he wanted us to videotape it. So somewhere in Japan there’s a video of me doing it with an older woman.
–Park Slope
