Older man (looking at the Chrysler building): Look, there’s the Empire State Building!
Teenage girl: What do they do in there? I mean, what is it?
Older man: It’s a college.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Eric
Older man (looking at the Chrysler building): Look, there’s the Empire State Building!
Teenage girl: What do they do in there? I mean, what is it?
Older man: It’s a college.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Eric
(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear.
–E 77th St
(two guys coming out of the bar bathroom)
Guy #1: I’m taking another shot.
Guy #2: What have you got to lose? Pride? Fuck pride.
Guy #1: You’re right man.
–Bar, 35th & 3rd
Teenage nymphette: I want to go back to the hotel and go swimming.
Chaperone: What do you have to swim in?
Teenage nymphette: My bra and thong.
Chaperone: Oh no no, I don’t think so.
–Top of the Rock Observation Floor
Tourist woman #1: Well, where should we go to eat instead?
Tourist woman #2: I hear that Ray’s Pizza is suppose to be excellent!
–W 54th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Levram
Boyfriend: You know what I really want to be?
Girlfriend: What, sweetie?
Boyfriend: A crazy old man! The kind with a shotgun that threatens to shoot at kids and steals stuff and never wears his dentures!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Me too!
Girl: Honey, who’s that white guy in our class?
Boy: Which guy?
Girl: The white guy with the accent? It’s like a gangster accent?
Boy: Gangster accent?
Girl: You know: “Yo yo, what’s up?” (throws up gang signs)
Boy: I didn’t know gangsters had accents.
–Parsons New School for Design
Headline by: LJ
Runners-Up:
· “A Whole New Way to Fulfill a Language Requirement” – Bill
· “And Since When Did “The Shocker” Become a Gang Sign?” – cbeck
· “Clearly You Haven’t Spent Enough Time Watching Bad Dance Movies” – mk
· “Keanu Reeves Deeply Researches Yet Another Role” – Bevan
· “Parsons New School Of Liberal Denial Is on 43rd.” – EddieA
· “That’s Not an Accent. He’s Deaf. Those Aren’t Gang Signs. It’s Sign Language.” – DB
· “The REAL Michelle and Barack” – Qasar
Five-year-old son: I’m mad at you.
Mom: Why honey?
Five-year-old son: Because you wouldn’t buy me an umbrella!
Mom: You never asked for one!
–Times Square Shuttle
Overheard by: Heather
Hobo with two jars in front of him: Food or drugs! Choose whether you’d like to sponsor my evening shot or dinner!
–Central Park
Homeless man: Hey, bindi-a, lookin’ good today! (Indian girl ignores his comment, begins to walk away). Fine! When you get mugged, I’m not helping you!
–Washington Square Park
Enterprising lady hobo: You could use your credit card to get cash, and give me the cash.
–Outside Dunkin’ Donuts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Panhandling hobo: Spare some change for a large bottle of water and a nice Chef salad? Spare some change for bottled water and salad?
–Broadway & 10th St
Hobo: Hey lemme borrow those red Converse! I’ve got a hot date with Monica Lewinsky tonight!
–14th & 6th
Hobo to another: "You’re gonna turn me into a waffle?" That’s what she told me, you said! A waffle? Oh no, I don’t think so!
–23rd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: sara
Crazy hobo: Watch out for traffic and knuckleheads! Beware! (points at random pedestrian) Him! He’s a knucklehead! Don’t trust him!
–5th Ave & 49th St
Train conductor: Now arriving at 116th street, Columbia University. Ivy league. Ivy league… Ivy league… Ivy league… Stand clear of the closing doors.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Amused Subway Rider
Guy on phone: I’m a tool, I’ll admit that.
–College Walk, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ed
Chick on cell: How did they know I was feeling hormonal? And did they need to announce it on my boarding pass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: YotGC
(Columbia student #1 jaywalks in front of a car)
Columbia student #2: I can’t get hit by a car right now! I have a paper to write!
–115th & Broadway
(two frat boys in boxers run a lap down 113th as a third cheers them on)
Sorority girl: Sometimes I wonder how some of these people get into Columbia…
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: wondering the same thing
