She Is So Going To Regret Being Named Scat Now

Twentysomething woman to friends: Yeah, I was thinking I should really google myself too, so I can finally like…
Friend: See what you do?
Twentysomething woman: Yeah!

–122nd, between Broadway and Amsterdam

Overheard by: amarg

Headline by: Del

Runners-Up:
· “Debbie From Dallas Will Be in For a Shock…” – BareNakedLady
· “Google: Solving Existential Crises Since 1998” – Ely Henry
· “Put a Towel Down First” – Kevin P
· “Stacy Finds Out What All Those Little Blinking Red Lights in Her Boyfriend’s Bedroom Were All About.” – danielle
· “Vanity, Thy Name Is Google!” – fester60613

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 10, 2019
Friends, Google, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

I'm Thinking Of Starting a Band Called The Wheezin' Geezers

Old woman to old man: So, where are you going?
Old man: To the doctor.
Old woman: Nothing terribly wrong, I hope.
Old man: Nah. (pauses) I'm just having trouble breathing, is all.

–Q49 Bus, Jackson Heights

Posted on July 9, 2019
Age/Aging, Bus, Health and Hygiene, Old People, On the Bus, Queens, Questions

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on July 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Unless Cocaine and Penises Count

Chubby girl: I need to lose some weight before I go on vacation. What did you eat when you went on your three-day diet?
Anorexic girl: Uh…I didn't.

–Union Square

Posted on July 4, 2019
Anorexic, Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Holidays, Physical appearance, Questions, Union Square and East Village

NewsFlash: New Yorker Has Car. Film at 11.

Bro #1: Hey man, you alright?
Bro #2: (vomits in corner)
Bro #1: You good to drive?
Bro #2, slurring: Yeah…
Bro #1: You got some shit on your chin! (makes wiping motion)

–East Village

Overheard by: arf

Posted on July 2, 2019
Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Vomit

…Molded to Look Like a Banana.

Guy drinking beer at 7 am, yelling: Hey! Is that a fried banana? Is that a fried banana?!
Girl, eating: No.
Guy: Oh, it's just a regular banana?
Girl: It's a cinnamon bun.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Samantha Chalek

Posted on July 1, 2019
Drunks, Food, Girls, Guys, Parks, Questions, Washington Square Park

Ooo, What About Ice Princess?

Teen #1: What do you think is like the best sports movie ever?
Teen #2: I think The Green Mile.
Teen #3: That ain’t no sports movie, man!
Teen #2: He was runnin’!
Teen #1: I like Rudy.
Teen #2: Naw man, Rudy was a fuckin’ benchwarmer.
Teen #3: Naw, Rudy is all about how the little guy can persevere.
Teen #1: I cried at Rudy.
Teen #3, touching his heart: Yeah, man, Rudy hurts.

–A Train

Overheard by: Brenda

Posted on June 28, 2019
Crying, Movies, On the Subway, Questions, Sports, Teens

We're New Yorkers, Dude.

Old white guy: Hey man, how are you?
Black delivery guy: Pretty good, man, can't complain…
Old white guy: Why not?

–Henry & Montague

Overheard by: Priya Ahuja

Posted on June 25, 2019
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Brooklyn, Gripes, Questions, Talking/Convos

Says the Girl Who Registered for a Ball-gag and the Kama Sutra?

Jewish chick #1: You know, it's kind of awkward to register for sheets for a wedding.
Jewish chick #2: Really? Why?
Jewish chick #1: Because, it's like, they know what you're doing!

–84th St & Central Park West

Posted on June 25, 2019
Jews, Marriage, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

You're Going to Have to Be More Specific

Girl #1: Fergus's apartment is down there. Have you ever seen it?
Girl #2: I have. Actually, I did ecstasy in that apartment once. Wait, you were there! We ate ostrich. You rolled around on the carpet.

–Lexington & 51st St

Posted on June 17, 2019
Birds, Drugs, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Weirdness

Questions