School

What Are They Talking About? Discuss.

Male student: Hey, do you want to watch Harold and Maude later?
Female student #1: Is that the one–? Never mind.
Male student: Wait, what were you going to say?
Female student #1: Is that the one with the hippos?
Male student: What are you talking about?
Female student #1: One wore a suit jacket, and the other wore a little dress…
Male student, later: Wanna see Harold and Maude later?
Female student #2: Is that the one with the hippos? Did one of them have a hat?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Olivia

And after That, Only Because I Loved You on Full House

NYU girl: I’m so stressed out.
NYU boy: You’re stressed out? I’m rushing for a fraternity. I’m stressed out.
NYU girl: What do you have to do?
NYU boy: Can’t say. It’s top secret.
NYU girl: Oh my gawd, tell me!
NYU boy, jokingly: I get hazed.
NYU girl: What’s hazed?
NYU boy: Oh my god. Wikipedia it.
NYU girl: What’s Wikipedia? Well, whatever. I want to rush for a fraternity.
NYU boy: You can’t. A fraternity is only for boys.
NYU girl: Ugh, fine! Then I’ll rush for a maternity and I’ll be cooler than you and your top secret fraternity.
NYU boy: Okay, we’re not friends for ten minutes.

–Starbucks, W 4th

And Then Fail Them… Oh, Wait

Student: Do I need to do the math extra credit project?!
Teacher: Yes, because on Friday when you come to me and ask if you are failing, I’m gonna laugh at you. Then you will go home and tell your family that I laughed at you. Then they will come up to school and yell at me and I’ll laugh at them.

–Forest Hills school

Overheard by: laughing my ass off at my classmate

The Teacher Will Now Call on the Sleeping Kid in the Back

Boy trying to get teacher to call on him: Oh my god, I have a really good point to make!
Girl, just as eager: Shut up! Mine is better!

–Hunter College High

All Your Base Are Belong to Wednesday One-Liners

Woman who endured rush hour: Wow, what a rush! That was just like Frogger!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Amy D M

Girl watching friend play Frogger: Oh, I remember how to play! You’re supposed to avoid the cars!

–Barcade, Williamsburg

Overheard by: champ

Dude: I’m telling you, I was put on this Earth just to play fuckin’ Tetris.

–W 13th St

Overheard by: Lauren L

Little Dominican boy to classmate: Why you had to tell on me, white boy, version-one-of-Donkey-Kong?!

–PS 8, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Mona

Law student: He’s a good professor, but he doesn’t have that Mortal Kombat instinct. You know — finish him!

–Sammy’s Noodle Shop, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

You Were an Accident, Did You Know That?

Little girl: I can climb over fences. Did you know that?
Mom: I don’t want to know that.

–Manhattan School of Music Precollege

Headline by: Sarah Bella

Runners-Up:

· “Dora the Explorer Will Teach Anything” – I’m not racist, I swear.

· “Dr. Spock’s Missing Chapter: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – Barry Negrin

· “Razor wire: You can do it, Home Depot can help” – Sean S

· “You’ve been watching Daddy on COPS again, haven’t you?” – Bryan

· “Your Cage Got Mommy And Daddy Into A Lot Of Trouble” – JAG


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The TV in Intensive Care Is Terrible

Sophomore #1: So yeah, my week off was really interesting. What about yours?
Sophomore #2: Boring. My brother fell off a balcony.

–Notra Dame Academy, Staten Island

Overheard by: The junior at the next table

Well, Tied with “Fuck”

Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!

–Wings Academy, Bronx

Consider Yourself Warned

Middle school boy: Yo, you ever seen that show Sex and the City on HBO?
Three friends: No.
Middle school boy: I thought there’d be mad sex on it. There wasn’t any! They should call that show ‘White Bitches Talking.’

–Brooklyn Middle School

Wednesday One-Liners Used the Rhythm Method

Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.

–Sephora, Broadway

Overheard by: linzz

Guy: … So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth…"

–Spring St

Overheard by: boston bobby

College guy on cell: He was like, ‘Shit, she’s got a bun in the oven!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shit!’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: roo

Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that’s how he got her pregnant.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Wondering how that works

Preggers: I’m gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I’m not gonna have a miscarriage.

–Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn

Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I’m on my seventh month!

–Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th

Overheard by: EE Grimshaw

NYU girl on cell: … So then the doctor comes in and he goes, ‘Houston, we have a problem…" I know, right? What’s with doctors trying to be all funny when they’re telling you that you’re pregnant?

–NYU bus

Overheard by: tj

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