Silly Rabbit, Wednesday One-Liners Are for Kids

Excited little girl to friend: Hey! Wanna see my room? It's really cool! I got a bed!

–Whole Foods, Tribeca

Three-year-old girl, excitedly pointing at picture on store front: Look mommy, it's Buddha! It's Buddha!

–Ave B b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: EVgirl

Young girl to father: Only 1,486 days until I'm 18 and then I can do whatever the heck I want.

–E 78th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Brandon F

4-year-old girl to father trying to board overcrowded train: Jesus, we should have taken the bus! I told you we should have taken the bus.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: kdice

Five-year-old son to father who just dropped BlackBerry: What the hell just happened here?

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Four-year-old girl: I'mma hustla! I'mma, I'mma hustla!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Nina

Posted on December 5, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Blackberry, Buddha, Central Park, Dads, Friends, Insults, Kids, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-liners Are a Real Mother

Ghettomama: My son’s favorite color used to be red, because his father is a Blood, but I’ve gotten him out of that. Now it’s blue, and his father is going nuts.

–30th & 5th

8-year-old boy: But why does your mom want to get so many tattoos?

–94th between Broadway & Amsterdam

Posted on November 26, 2014
Ghetto Chicks, One-liners, Parents, Should've Used a Condom

Orthodox Mormons Have All the Fun

Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.

He makes another call.

Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!

–46th between 5th & 6th

Posted on November 14, 2014
Anger Management, Assholes, Booty Call, Dads, Families, Marriage, On Cell, People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Three is Company

Your Jokes Are So Lame, FDR is Jealous

Little boy #1: Your pants are so tight, your balls have asthma.
Little boy #2: But that’s my joke…

–12th between A & B

Posted on November 8, 2014
Body Parts, Fashion, Manhattan, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

In the Winter She Smells Like Yellow Snow

Little kid to mom: You smell!
Mom: Yeah, that’s New York in the summer.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cody

Posted on October 24, 2014
Kids, Moms, Only in New York, Penn Station, People, Places, Should've Used a Condom

Nothing Like a Spirited Game Of Who's-the-Crack-Baby

Mom, loudly: Who does mommy love?
Screaming toddler, holding cup in stroller: Tee tee tee!
Mom: Mommy loves the baby! And who's the baby?
Child: Tee tee tee!
Mom: Are you the baby?
(child starts crying)
Mom: Oh, stop that! You're old enough to drink a latte, so quit crying.

–183rd St & Ft. Washington Ave

Overheard by: Anna

Posted on October 14, 2014
Age/Aging, Crying, Kids, Love, Moms, Parents, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Washington Heights and Inwood

Wednesday One-liners for the Tots

Little girl: Mommy, how old will I be when I have sex?

–18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mayde and Daniel

Posted on October 10, 2014
College, Elevators, Fordham, Ghetto Chicks, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Violence

Hey “Mom”: It Can’t Drown if There’s No Water

Girl #1: When I’m older and I’m pregnant, I hope I’m standing when my water breaks cause I don’t want the baby to come down and, like, drown.
Girl #2: My Mom went down in a gutter with me.

–B44 bus

Posted on October 9, 2014
Moms, On the Bus, People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Tweens

Should We Stop for Some Cocktails and Wait It Out?

Mom: Shit, it's raining!
Four-year-old: Fuck!

–Times Square

Overheard by: leah

Posted on October 2, 2014
Insults, Kids, Moms, Should've Used a Condom, Times Square, Weather

Jim Henson’s Charles Manson Babies!

Little boy stabbing balloon man with a balloon sword: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Balloon man: Goodbye! Be good, everyone!
Little boy, still stabbing: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Rick Felice

Headline by: Matthew

Runners-Up:

· “And if that doesn’t do it, I challenge you to water pistols at dawn!” – Cynthia

· “Except you, kid. You go fuck yourself.” – ImmaculatePizza

· “He Who Lives By The Balloon…” – Hobo Whisperer

· “You too, Brutus.” – Aeirlys

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 28, 2014
Central Park, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Should've Used a Condom, Stab

Should’ve Used a Condom