Stupidity

Hella Good Wednesday One-Liners

Twitchy dude to no one in particular: What? You selling something? What you selling? You all are devils! Devil worshipers! Bunch of devil worshipers! Devils, devils, devils! See you in hell! Oh…I won't be there, though.

–C Train

Hipster girl on cell: No, the black marks are from me cheating on you with Satan. (pause) Yeah, now I'm pregnant and he won't marry me.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Louisa

Young guy on cell, about video game: I gave them my soul. I gave them my soul! See, my soul legally belongs to you, so you tricked them. (pause) Give him his soul! Give him his soul! What? What? Too late!

–93rd St, Bay Ridge

Screaming man with ashes on forehead to man walking past on Ash Wednesday: You're going to hell you motherfucker!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Woman on cell: Satan don't wear no panties, negro. That shit flies free.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Celia

Truth Is Dumber Than Fiction

Little boy: Arnold Schwarzenegger is the president's bodyguard.
Brother: No, he's not! He's the governor of California, dumbass!

–Washington Square Park

Fake Trees Grow Completely Differently

Girl #1: Yeah, I think those are real trees. Otherwise, I don’t think they would grow like that.
Girl #2: Yeah, I think you’re right.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Alison Kiczek

Wednesday One-liners for Other Places

Megaphone lady: Don’t buy from Canada! Don’t go to Canada! Don’t support Canada at all!…Don’t buy Canadian beer!

–49th & 6th

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Then Why's That Guy Sashaying?

Concerned girl crossing street: But the light says “Don't walk”!
Amused friend: Right…so we run!

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: I was sauntering, personally

She Hope He'll Grow Up Too Stupid to Reproduce

Little boy, pointing at polar bear decal: Cat!
Nanny: That's right.
Little boy, point to same decal: Dog!
Nanny: That's right.

–Park Slope

Sick Passenger on the Bridge Would Be My Bet

Conductor #1: Grand Street next, right?
Conductor #2: What?
Conductor #1: Grand Street is next, right?
Conductor #2: That’s what I said.
Conductor #1: Okay, just checking.
Guy: Watch we stop at DeKalb.

–D train

Not a Hoax, Not a Dream, Not an Imaginary Story

Man: How will I know if they made it?
Taco dude: They’ll say your number.
Man: Where?
Taco dude: No. See, it says here #167? They’ll say that.
Man: Oh, okay. Thank you.

–Taco Bell, Sunset Park

“It’s a date!”

Chick: You have no idea how much less anxiety I have now that I know I don’t have to worry about leaving the country…not that they are kicking me out, but you know that I can leave and come back and it’s not an issue…This just makes me so excited! When I get excited I start to twitch, I apologize, but it’s a good thing! You get me excited! Not in that way, I mean, you’re my professor, and female, but not to say you aren’t good looking…
Professor: Um, okay, so let’s pretend I was deaf for that last 30 seconds and I’ll see you on Friday.

–Hunter North Building, East 69th Street

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Girl: I guess I’ll be taking my vibrator out for Valentine’s.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: Toby Boudreaux

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist