Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't That Kind Of Streetwalker

Police officer to taxi driver: If you just hit one, the rest will scatter.

–Herald Square

Guy to girl, pushing her into the street: Anna versus car, who will win?

–E Houston & Ave D

Overheard by: haha

Tourist to New Yorker: You're not supposed to jaywalk!

–Herald Square

Chick to another: We didn't get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.

–7th & 23rd

Overheard by: Stormy

Guy with stroller to passing car: You hit my baby, I'll take your car!

–Fordham & Hoffman

Overheard by: sromeo

Crossing guard, watching pedestrian cross in a hurry: My money's on the bus!

–Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Steve

Good Thing He Had Those Ruby Slippers

Asian guy #1: Ok, here’s the train.
Asian guy #2: Dude! No way! That’s the Q!
Asian guy #1: What?
Asian guy #2: Dude! You couldn’t pay me to take the Q! Last time I took the Q, I got on around Canal Street and next thing I knew, I was in. . like. . . Brooklyn!

–Herald Square station

Sometimes He Even Gets a Bear Claw

15-year-old boy #1: So, like, I know they used whales for, like, their blubber and shit, but I thought there was something else they killed ’em for.
15-year-old boy #2: Dumbass. They kill whales for their tusks, everybody knows that!
15-year-old boy #1: Oh, right… But I thought that’s what elephants were for.
15-year-old boy #2: Nope. Their ears.
15-year-old boy #1, baffled: Their ears?!
15-year-old boy #2: Yep, my dad goes down to the bakery every Sunday and gets an elephant ear and a coffee. I swear.
15-year-old boy #1: That’s some fucked-up shit!

–Faye’s Starbucks

Overheard by: Stop elephant cruelty! Save the elephant ears!

She Studied Under Gary Coleman

Woman #1: Omigod! I didn’t know that our lungs were so small!
Woman #2: Um, those are the kidneys.
Woman #1: We have two of those?

–South Street Seaport Exhibition Centre, Fulton Street

Anatomy of a Moron (NYC Short Stories)

Teen boy #1: Is it the platypus that is a mammal but lays eggs?
Teen boy #2: No, I don’t think so; mammals always lay eggs.

–4 train

Overheard by: Kimberly Johnson

Brunettes Have Four Weeks More Fun!

Blonde chick: I don’t understand. It’s stupid. You mutiply it by 4.
Brunette chick: No, there are 52 weeks in a year.
Blonde chick: No, you multiply the months by 4. 12 times 4, and you get 48.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Bystander

He Got Her in the End

Chick: …And she just lets him in!
Guy: And you’re asleep?
Chick: I’m asleep, and he comes over, and she opens the door for him.
Guy: And she leaves?
Chick: Yeah! So we’re alone, right, and he comes and, like, crawls into bed with me!
Guy: Whoa.
Chick: And I sleep naked, right?
Guy: Right.
Chick: So I’m like, what the fuck?
Guy: You should fire her as a roommate.
Chick: Naw, it sort of turned out all right.

–Brittany Hall Residence elevator, East 10th Street

His Fangs Go in a Cup of Water by the Bed

Girl #1: What does the Pope wear when he like sleeps? Does he always wear the huge robe and tiny little hat?
Girl #2: Ha, ha! Wow, You just totally blew my mind.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Michelle Smith

Wednesday One-liners, Princess Edition

JAP: I like, didn’t even know I had a middle name until my bat-mitzvah.

–53rd & 8th

Overheard by: Phil

Especially Not Buffy Fans

Guy #1: Are you Xander with an x or Zander with a z?
Guy #2: An x.
Guy #1: Nobody likes a Xander with a z.

–Hunter College

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