Teenage girl #1: Then he was kissing my forehead a lot after we hooked up so I told everyone there he was gay.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, that is really gay.
–Houston St station
Teenage girl #1: Then he was kissing my forehead a lot after we hooked up so I told everyone there he was gay.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, that is really gay.
–Houston St station
Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.
–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave
Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.
–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!
–116th & Broadway
20-something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.
–4th St Subway Station
Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him
Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Crosby
Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to–I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!
–Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: dumb as a rock
L. Ron Hubtard: Do you have stress?
Man: I live in New York, what the fuck do you think? “Do I have stress?” Fuck you.
–Times Square station
Overheard by: ichi gami
Girl #1: I have an idea, why don’t we keep the doors open so even more people can pack in? Are we close enough yet?
Guy: Yeah. I could start crowd surfing.
Girl #1: It just sucks being squeezed in like this. Especially when you have to get off at the next stop–
Guy: Like you are going to do.
Girl #1: –and people won’t get out of the way. It’s like they don’t understand that you have to get off. This time I’m going to be like, “Bitches, get out of my way!”
Guy: Yeah.
Girl #1: I’m just trying to find one thing about this that doesn’t suck and I’ve got nothing.
Guy: Me either.
Girl #1: This is a nightmare…It’s so annoying to be forced to be so close to so many people in such a small space–
Girl #2: Yeah, it is really annoying, especially when you are forced to hear someone else’s conversation.
Guy: Whoa! What timing.
–L train
Guy to friends: A girl farted on my head once, and I dated her for three years.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: MC
Woman to friend: And then he farted in my mouth.
–Ding Dong Lounge
Overheard by: Rosalind
Hobo, farting loudly, turning at girl walking behind him: That's for you, you fucking bitch!
–Yellow Line Subway Station
Overheard by: Craigalanche
Latina on cell, firmly: I'm not bi-curious, I'm just fart-curious
–49th & 5th
Overheard by: olga
Crazy hobo: Once, I was eating Cracker Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I finished the box, I farted in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week later, I got the surprise of my life!
–1 Train
Overheard by: nella
Loud, garbled announcement about disrupted rush hour service in background.
Uptight lady suit, smiling anxiously: What? What did she say?
Hipster: She said, ‘Grble chzmglpt blgshqt skzdbkt…’ [Continues, accurately mimicking entire garbled announcement.]Uptight lady suit, disturbed: Oh.
–IRT Station, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Christopher Stone
Conducter. Stand clear of the closing doors… Stand clear everyone… Please stand-a clear of the closing doors…. In the front car, you, with the hat, in or out already!
Queer: I think he means you, Mr. Smelly Homeless Man.
–145th St Station
Overheard by: CI
Suit on cell: Yes, that way, you can kill more whales…
–86th Street 4/5/6 station
Overheard by: Steevo
Guy #1: Do you want some of my water? I promise I don’t have cooties.
Guy #2: It’s not your cooties I’m worried about, it’s someone else’s.
Guy #1: No, I didn’t suck his dick.
–F train
Overheard by: Victor Villegas
Ghetto high school girl #1: I’m not going to the party unless he apologizes for saying I stink.
Ghetto high school girl #2: But you do.
Ghetto high school girl #1: So?
–5 train platform, Pelham Pkwy
Overheard by: Bryan
