Teacher: There is a kind of poison acid found in apple seeds.
Blonde: Is that how Johnny Appleseed died?
–NYU
Teacher: There is a kind of poison acid found in apple seeds.
Blonde: Is that how Johnny Appleseed died?
–NYU
Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory.
–Cosmetology Class, Astoria
Overheard by: Kelsey
Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me."
–Wilson ave, Bushwick
Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo.
–132nd St & Cypress
Overheard by: office drone
Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children!
–New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn
Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise?
–Q20 Bus
Overheard by: Liza
Professor: And why did Moses lead the Jews out of Egypt?
Student: Because he was stoned.
–NYU
NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.
–Washington Square Park
Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.
–R Train
College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.
–Williamsburg
Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?
–Hunter College High School
AP English teacher: Let's look at how this book can be read as a Christian allegory. The main character, Santiago, was a fisherman. (draws Jesus fish symbol on board) Okay, you all know what this is. So it means that Jesus, like Santiago, was a…?
Confused student: A fish?
–Riverdale
Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Little boy: My stomach hurts!
Teacher: How does it hurt? What does it feel like?
Little boy: It's… Almost like how it feels being pregnant.
–Public School, The Bronx
Astronomy professor: And on the test you'll all circle the answer that says…
Class, in unison: Mercury and Uranus!
Astronomy professor: Right. Mercury and my anus. So…
–Wagner College
Overheard by: At least class is never boring…
Young teacher: So he would take a pack of staples, sit at his desk, pick them apart, and throw them. That's dedication!
Friend: (laughs)
Young teacher: Yeah, and then he would get his friend to call his phone from outside the classroom and it would ring and make this squeaking noise. We caught a mouse the day before, so I literally stopped the class to look for it.
–Starbucks
History teacher: Does anyone have any thoughts they'd like to share about the reading? Any strong opinions?
Girl: I want to share! I have a strong opinion! Can I share?
History teacher: You want to share, Amy*?
Girl: Yes!
History teacher: Go ahead.
Girl: Never mind.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
