Teacher #1: Any other food rules I should know?
Teacher #2: Don't eat bay leaves.
Teacher #3: “Babies”?
Teachers #1 and #2: Bay leaves.
Teacher #3: Oh. I thought you said “don't eat babies.”
Teacher #1: Have you read The Road?
–Middle School
Teacher #1: Any other food rules I should know?
Teacher #2: Don't eat bay leaves.
Teacher #3: “Babies”?
Teachers #1 and #2: Bay leaves.
Teacher #3: Oh. I thought you said “don't eat babies.”
Teacher #1: Have you read The Road?
–Middle School
Art teacher: Okay, your assignment for this weekend is to slaughter a small goat.
Student, after minute of silence: Oh… She wasn't serious.
–High School, Staten Island
Student: Why is there a biology textbook on your desk?
English teacher: Because I'm in love with life and the way it's made.
(15 seconds later)
English teacher: Not that way! You guys are gross!
–Hunter College High School
Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.
–NYU
Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.
–Lincoln Center, Fordham University
Overheard by: Classics Student
Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.
–New School University
English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!
–Barnard College
Overheard by: High Aspirations
English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.
–English Seminar, Fordham
Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: tatunit
20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.
–Penn Station
Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.
–NYU Health Center
Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!
–Hunter College
Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.
–Hunter College High School
Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes.
–NYU Dorm
Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled.
–N Train
High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade.
–Cold Stone Creamery
Overheard by: Kristina
Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one.
–Amsterdam & 88th St
Overheard by: Beez and Newb
First grade teacher, leaving park after field trip: Okay everybody. (counts kids) Oh my god! Where's Kate?
First grade girl with glasses: She's having a breakdown.
–Near Trinity Day School Campus
Young teen: Why are all examples in my physics books about animals?
Teacher: City buses and wheelbarrows are not animals.
–Riverdale, Bronx
Overheard by: Ali P!
Kid on first day of math class, to professor: So, what do you want us to call you?
Professor: You call me Max. But we are not friends.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Overheard by: MMC 2013
White volunteer tutor from Princeton: So imagine I'm trying out for the basketball team…
Black student #1: You play basketball?
Black student #2: Do you play tennis?
Black student #1: That's racist!
–Public High School, Queens
