Vendor: Comedy show! Comedy show?
Pregnant teen: No, thanks.
Vendor: Oh… Come on, you might as well make another bad decision! (gestures to belly)
–Times Square
Overheard by: Taryn
Vendor: Comedy show! Comedy show?
Pregnant teen: No, thanks.
Vendor: Oh… Come on, you might as well make another bad decision! (gestures to belly)
–Times Square
Overheard by: Taryn
Girl: I want a Marc Jacobs bag, and I don’t care if it’s made of baby cow!
–Outside the Met
Overheard by: wants baby cow bag, too
Guy, explaining his pants: Yeah, they look gay, but they make my junk look huge.
–Midtown
Man picking up trash to woman picking up trash: How you gonna make ten dollars an hour and have people making minimum wage looking better than you?
–Madison Sq Park
Shopaholic: I know! One time I thought there was more to life than that. But then I went back to Bloomingdale’s.
–59th & Madison
Overheard by: DM Cook
Teenage girl on phone: So where are you?…So,what happened?…Not to your shoe! In the hospital!
–Central Park
Overheard by: concerned trespasser
Cougar-in-Training, looking at non-trendy partygoers: Clearly they don’t belong here.
–Rooftop party, the SoHo House
Mother: What would you guys want if we get McDonald's? We haven't had it in so long…
20-something son: We haven't had it in so long because it's so fattening and gross. Do you know how much fat is in just one of their wraps?
Teenage son: This is not The Biggest Loser. This is called We're Getting McDonald's.
–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island
Hoochie teen: Well, I’m still a virgin. I only let him put it in my ass.
Friend: You know that anal sex counts as sex, right?
Hoochie teen: Are you sure?
–Times Square
Teen chick #1: My face is sticky.
Teen chick #2: Is it from my cock in your mouth?
Teen chick #3: Everyone on the bus just heard that.
Teen chick #2, yelling: I don’t have a cock, people, I promise!
Teen chick #3: Yeah, justify yourself to a bus full of people. Go ahead.
–M11 bus
Overheard by: Alexa
Teenage girl: But it's not a squid, it's an octopus.
Father: It's a cephalopod.
Teenage girl: But if it just rose out of the water, all of a sudden, and grabbed hold of the bridge, what would people scream? “Help! It's a giant cephalopod!”?
Father: The more erudite among them would scream that, yes.
Teenage girl: (laughs)
Father: Actually, I think they would just scream, “Aaaarggghhh!”
Teenage girl: Stop it! People are staring!
Father: But I find it hard to believe that something that big could just sneak up on people.
Teenage girl: Yeah. If it existed, they would have found it by now.
–Brooklyn Bridge
Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them?
–6th Ave & 12th
Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train!
–N Train
Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat.
Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass!
–86th & Park Ave
Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"?
–1st & 23
Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass.
–Bus to Penn Station
Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know!
–72nd & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Shannon
Teen boy #1: Yo, this horseshit on the street? That’s so ghetto, man.
Teen boy #2: You fuckin’ dumbass. Ain’t no horses in the ghetto.
–14th & 6th
Teen girl #1: He wanted to eat me out.
Teen girl #2: Really?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he was like, “Bend over,” and I was like, “No.”
–1 train
Brunette teen: How can she have a boyfriend? She has chest hair!
Blonde teen: She doesn't have chest hair, she has sideburns.
Brunette teen (yelling): She has chest hair too!
Blonde teen: I don't know what the world has come to.
–34th & Fashion
