Wednesday One-Liners Know It’s Better to Look Good Than to Feel Good

Girl: I want a Marc Jacobs bag, and I don’t care if it’s made of baby cow!

–Outside the Met

Overheard by: wants baby cow bag, too

Guy, explaining his pants: Yeah, they look gay, but they make my junk look huge.

–Midtown

Man picking up trash to woman picking up trash: How you gonna make ten dollars an hour and have people making minimum wage looking better than you?

–Madison Sq Park

Shopaholic: I know! One time I thought there was more to life than that. But then I went back to Bloomingdale’s.

–59th & Madison

Overheard by: DM Cook

Teenage girl on phone: So where are you?…So,what happened?…Not to your shoe! In the hospital!

–Central Park

Overheard by: concerned trespasser

Cougar-in-Training, looking at non-trendy partygoers: Clearly they don’t belong here.

–Rooftop party, the SoHo House

Posted on June 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Central Park, Fashion, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Preppies, Shopping, Soho, Teens, Upper East Side

Raise Your Hand If The Biggest Loser Pisses You Off

Mother: What would you guys want if we get McDonald's? We haven't had it in so long…
20-something son: We haven't had it in so long because it's so fattening and gross. Do you know how much fat is in just one of their wraps?
Teenage son: This is not The Biggest Loser. This is called We're Getting McDonald's.

–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island

Posted on June 6, 2015
Brothers, Diet/Weight, Families, Junk Food & Fast Food, Moms, Movies, Staten Island, Teens, Wishes & desires

When Products of Abstinence-Only Curricula Are Released into the Wild

Hoochie teen: Well, I’m still a virgin. I only let him put it in my ass.
Friend: You know that anal sex counts as sex, right?
Hoochie teen: Are you sure?

–Times Square

Posted on June 5, 2015
Backdoor, Friends, Hootchies, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens, Times Square, Virginity

You Know Damn Well It’s from You Squirting

Teen chick #1: My face is sticky.
Teen chick #2: Is it from my cock in your mouth?
Teen chick #3: Everyone on the bus just heard that.
Teen chick #2, yelling: I don’t have a cock, people, I promise!
Teen chick #3: Yeah, justify yourself to a bus full of people. Go ahead.

–M11 bus

Overheard by: Alexa

Posted on June 5, 2015
On the Bus, Penis, Teens

And Given It a Reality Show Called Kirstie Alley's Big Life

Teenage girl: But it's not a squid, it's an octopus.
Father: It's a cephalopod.
Teenage girl: But if it just rose out of the water, all of a sudden, and grabbed hold of the bridge, what would people scream? “Help! It's a giant cephalopod!”?
Father: The more erudite among them would scream that, yes.
Teenage girl: (laughs)
Father: Actually, I think they would just scream, “Aaaarggghhh!”
Teenage girl: Stop it! People are staring!
Father: But I find it hard to believe that something that big could just sneak up on people.
Teenage girl: Yeah. If it existed, they would have found it by now.

–Brooklyn Bridge

Posted on June 5, 2015
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Dads, Height, Laughter, Teens, Words

Bootylicious Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them?

–6th Ave & 12th

Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train!

–N Train

Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat.

Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass!

–86th & Park Ave

Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"?

–1st & 23

Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass.

–Bus to Penn Station

Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know!

–72nd & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on June 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Cleanliness, Dads, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Marriage, Metrosexuals, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Tweens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Sounds Like Someone’s Never Been in a Time Machine

Teen boy #1: Yo, this horseshit on the street? That’s so ghetto, man.
Teen boy #2: You fuckin’ dumbass. Ain’t no horses in the ghetto.

–14th & 6th

Posted on June 3, 2015
Animals & Nature, Money & Class, Poop, Street, Teens, The Village

“…What am I, a gymnast?”

Teen girl #1: He wanted to eat me out.
Teen girl #2: Really?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he was like, “Bend over,” and I was like, “No.”

–1 train

Posted on June 3, 2015
Eating Out, On the Subway, People, Teens

NewsFlash: Teenager Confused–Film at Eleven!

Brunette teen: How can she have a boyfriend? She has chest hair!
Blonde teen: She doesn't have chest hair, she has sideburns.
Brunette teen (yelling): She has chest hair too!
Blonde teen: I don't know what the world has come to.

–34th & Fashion

Posted on June 3, 2015
Hair, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, Teens

It’s Even Funnier If You Know What They’re Talking About

Girl #1: You’re a geek, too. You took your Lord of the Rings action figures to the opening night of Return of the King, and you made them sit on your lap and watch the movie.
Girl #2: That wasn’t me.
Girl #1: Oh yeah. That was me. But you like Dune.
Girl #2: Don’t you have a crush on Muad’Dib?
Girl #1: Oh yeah.

–Penn Station

Posted on June 3, 2015
Film, Penn Station, Teens

Teens