Wednesday One-Liners Would Like Fries With That

Very large man, pointing at a McDonald’s: Where were you last night at 3 a.m. when I was craving you?

–49th & 9th

Man wearing an “I Heart My Heart” shirt, to guy eating fast food: You’re just aching for that heart attack, aren’t you?

–46th & Broadway

Angry burger flipper: Making Big Macs is complex. It’s 2 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun…And then it gets even more confusing, ’cause people all have their special requests, like no special sauce. And that just throws shit off. The Whopper is so easy. It don’t have shit on us.

–M11 bus

Asian girl, screaming into cell: I said, “Quiero Taco Bell!”

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelsey

Foreign tourist to cabbie: How much to go to K…F…C?

–Broadway between 38th & 39th

Overheard by: Gregorio

Posted on March 31, 2015
Anger Management, Asians, Fat People, Food, Foreigners, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On the Bus, One-liners, People, Places, Tourists

Even the Mos Are Bigger in Texas

Girl: Did you hear about that 20 year old guy in Texas who started his own theater company?
Guy: No, I didn’t.
Girl: Really? Well you should, Mr. Texas!
Guy: Yeah, they stopped sending me the newsletter when they found out I was gay.

–Sardi’s, W. 44th Street

Posted on March 28, 2015
Jobs & Careers, Queer guys, Queers, Theater & Dance, Tourists

Is There a Secret Spell Which Causes It to Emerge?

Male European tourist: Excuse me, where can we find the subway?
New Yorker: Which subway do you want?
Female European tourist: The one that is on this corner.

–Broadway & Houston

Posted on March 25, 2015
Directions, Eurotrash, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Questions, Soho, Tourism, Tourists

NYC Rats Are Too Pretentious for Chain Restaurants

Sullen tourist teen: We’re in New York City and we’re going to fucking Uno’s for dinner?
Tourist mom: Please watch your language. Your father wants to go to Uno’s.
Sullen tourist teen: But we’re in New York. Why are we going somewhere we can go at home?
Tourist dad, adamantly: Because New York restaurants have rats. We’re not going to a New York restaurant!

–Museum of Natural History steps

Posted on March 23, 2015
Animals & Nature, Cleanliness, Dads, Food, Moms, Stupidity, Teens, Tourists

And an Angry Mob With Torches

Tourist: So where is Central Park?
Girl: Uhm, right there. (points)
Tourist: Ah! That would explain why that big space has no lights…

–Rockefeller Observation Deck

Overheard by: Bre

Posted on March 21, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Directions, Lies, Rockefeller Center, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.

–The Point Knitting Cafe

Overheard by: Heather

Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!

–NYU Hospital

Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!

Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.

–23rd & 8th

Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!

–Central Park

Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…

–Deli, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on March 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Baristas, Breaking Up, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hospitals, Insults, Judaism, Man's Best Friend, Men, Names, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Tourists, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Women

The Free Market Arrives in China… Town

Teen tourist: How much for the sunglasses?
Vendor: Thirty dollars.
Teen tourist: In Chinatown?!

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Ozzy

Posted on March 13, 2015
Business and Commerce, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Default, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Store, Teens, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers

Comic Books May Have Given You Some Unrealistic Expectations

Japanese student/tourist seemingly waiting for luggage: How long are you in New York for?
Woman waiting for luggage: Just for one night. I'm here for a conference and then I'm flying back tomorrow.
Japanese student/tourist: This is my fall break. I will be here through Tuesday.
Woman: That's nice. I hope you go out and have a nice time.
Japanese student/tourist: Yes. (pause) Sex.

–JFK Airport

Posted on March 12, 2015
Holidays, Japanese, JFK Airport, Questions, Sex, Students, Tourists, Travel, Weirdness, Women

Scenes from Madame Tussaud’s

Tourist #1: Ha! Look at her, she’s trying to look just like Bernadette Peters.
Tourist #2: That is Bernadette Peters and she heard you. Can we go now?

–51st & 5th

Overheard by: A tourist who’s not clueless.

Posted on March 11, 2015
About Celebrities, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Tourists

There May Be a Shop That Doesn’t

Passenger: Is there any shops in the city that sell Statue of Liberty souvenir statues?
Cabbie: Yeah, I think there may be a shop that sells those right in Times Square.

–Times Square cab

Overheard by: John Aubin

Posted on March 10, 2015
Cabbies, Shopping, Times Square, Tourists

Tourists