The Passion of the Wednesday One-Liner

Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.

–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th

Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!

–25th St & 7th Ave

Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Lauren

Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.

–Cooper Square

Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?

–Columbia University

Posted on October 22, 2008
Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Jesus, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Sex, Starbucks, Students, Teachers/Professors, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

For Your Information, I Can Microwave Instant Pasta with the Best of 'Em!

Italian American: You're from Italy? I'm Italian too.
Italian tourist: You're not Italian.
Italian American: What? You don't think my family's from Italy? Go fuck yourself.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Not Italian

Posted on October 19, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Global Geography, Insults, Italians, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Questions, Tourists, Union Square and East Village

Let's Go Back to the Subway

Tourist #1 (passing by flower display at the lobby of MoMA): What's that smell?
Tourist #2: Smells like ass in here!

–Metropolitan Musuem of Art

Posted on October 13, 2008
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, The Met, Tourists

I'm Going Into Anaphilcollins Shock

Tourist exiting theater (singing): You'll beeee in my heaaaart…
NYC native, hurrying through crowd: Death!

–Richard Rodgers Theater

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on October 10, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Comebacks, Death, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Singing, Theater, Tourists, Weirdness, Words

Not to Be Confused with the Naked Chinese Guy

Tourist: Huh, I could have sworn he'd be here!
Cop, looking around: Can I help you, miss?
Tourist: Yeah, I'm looking for a guy.
Cop: Okay?
Tourist: Should be wearing tighty whities…cowboy hat.
(cop sighs, pointing to his left)
Tourist: Thanks!

–Times Square

Posted on October 7, 2008
Clothing, Cops, Default, Offers and requests, Questions, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Jaywalk, They Strut

Old lady crossing the street waiting for cars to pass: C'mon people, shake a leg. (cars pass) Thank you very much.

–80th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peg

Woman leading tour group across 8th Ave: Okay people, walk quickly and walk with purpose. When the red hand stops the light changes and you will be hit by a car.

–54th & 8th

Overheard by: James

Female tourist to her friend: Why is everyone crossing the street when the light is red?

–Times Square

Girl Scout in uniform: No, it's okay. You can jaywalk here!

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Marie

Woman running into middle of road waving arms: Stop, stop, I don't want to get hit. Stoppppp! (cars slow down or slam on brakes) Hahahaha…just kidding.

–Union Turnpike & Utopia Parkway, Queens

(cab turns in front of guy crossing) Guy: Hey, I'm walking here! (turns to his friend) I always wanted to say that.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on October 1, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Old People, Only in New York, Queens, Threats, Times Square, Tourists, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women

Get Beat Up a Lot, Pencil Neck?

Tourist: Hi, what do we need to do to join the tour?
Tour guide: Well, there's an entrance exam.
Tourist: Really?
Tour guide: No. But based on this conversation, you would've failed.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Chuckles