Tourist: Is this our stop?
Helpful stranger: This train only got one stop!
Tourist: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know. This is my first time on a subway!
Helpful stranger: Then get the fuck away from me! I don't want no tourist cooties!
–S Train
Overheard by: Heather
(a couple of guys want to get a picture of a taxi crashed into a lamppost)
Guy #1 (handing camera to passerby): Can you take our picture?
Guy #2: In front of the taxi. (pause) We're tourists.
New Yorker: Yeah, I know.
–Near Cake Shop
Overheard by: Shutterbug
Tourist woman: Look! Look up, there it is!
Tourist man: Really, that's it? I don't think that's it.
Tourist woman (pointing at “Empire State Building” label): No, look. It says right there.
Tourist man: Oh, I guess you're right… this must be it.
–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th
Tourist #1: Are we in New York?
Tourist #2: I hope so.
–82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Native New Yorker
Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: J.D.
Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!
–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?
Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.
–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings
Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: MattyB
Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.
–31st St & 7th Ave
30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?
–D Train
Bratty tourist child #1: Ow, she's hitting me! She's hitting me in my head!
Overwhelmed mom: Brittany*! Brittany*, stop that! Why would you do that?
Bratty tourist child #2, shoving #1: But mom, mom, she ignorant!
–Starbucks, 53rd & Broadway
Tourist mom: Oh, look, it's a rat! Come here kids, look, it's a rat!
Tourist kid: Eww, its gross!
Tourist mom: Remember this, this is an authentic New York City experience. See, aren't you glad we missed that subway?
–Bowling Green Station
Overheard by: Guy
Tourist man: Yeah, this is ABC studios. They film Good Morning America here.
Tourist woman: Really? (cups her eyes and peers into the studios through the glass)
Rest of family: Wow! That's amazing! (they start taking photos of the empty studio)
–Outside ABC Studios
Overheard by: Amazing!
Headline by: Aidan
Runners-Up:
· “…And If You’ll Look Across the Street, You’ll Notice a Lovely, Blue Honda Civic” – Prashant
· “And Yet…the Content Of the Show Was No Different” – jason
· “I Love Morning!” – Sandy Paws
· “If You Listen Hard Enough You Can Hear Al Roker Laughing at His Own Jokes.” – Nicole
· “Tour Groups For The Blind Really Can Be Quite Cruel.” – alex
Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.
–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th
Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!
–25th St & 7th Ave
Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren
Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.
–Cooper Square
Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?
–Columbia University
Italian American: You're from Italy? I'm Italian too.
Italian tourist: You're not Italian.
Italian American: What? You don't think my family's from Italy? Go fuck yourself.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Not Italian
