Spoken Like Someone Who's Never Seen a Cabbie Drive

Daughter: Okay. So we've got to take the n uptown. It should be arriving on this track soon.
Tourist mom: But that sign says the n goes to Queens. I don't wanna to to Queens.
Daughter: Yes, it goes to Queens but we're getting off way before then. It just ends in Queens, don't worry.
Tourist mom: Don't worry?! The sign says the n goes to Queens. And that it's an express! An express to Queens?! I don't think so. Let's just go take a cab…it'll be safer.

–Herald Square Subway Station

Overheard by: vmorgs

Posted on December 21, 2008
Directions, Families, Moms, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism, Tourists

Anyone Else Wondering What These Girls Are Doing at a Library?

16-year-old tourist girl #1, looking at a map of Europe: You know that country that is shaped like a boot?
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Yeah…Italy, of couse.
16-year-old tourist girl #1: No, it's not…I know this one…it's…Florida!
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Oh my god! I cant believe you've said that. Florida is in the US!
16-year-old tourist girl #1: I know!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Thales H.

Posted on December 20, 2008
Global Geography, Library, Stupidity, Teens, Tourists

And Rapists

Nervous tourist: Do you think we'll be able to find Central Park?
Confident tourist: Don't worry, we just need to look out for trees.

–Port Authority

Posted on December 14, 2008
Directions, Port Authority, Questions, Tourism, Tourists, Trees and plants

Wednesday One-Liners' Amazing Urban Adventure

Tourist, before getting into purse-filled van: Aw shit, what did I just say? I said I was not getting into any strange vans today.

–Canal & Lafayette

Pseudo-knowledgeable tourist: It's so strange that they have turnstiles that go both ways, you know, ones that let you go in and out in the same turnstile. Every other subway station I've been in in New York has ones for entering and different ones for exiting.

–5th Ave E Station

Overheard by: Colleen

French tourist (with American accent) to French friends: Stand clear of the closing doors, please. (French tourists bust up laughing)

–1 Train

Overheard by: kdub

30-something female tourist heading to subway: I prefer the Sex and the City version of New York.

–Union Square

Overheard by: E-Love

Old woman tourist: Geez, you'd think they'd be a little more optimistic at the United Nations.

–United Nations

Teenage British boy tourist to the rest of his family, as they pass a souvenir shop: Oh! This must be where Tim got that "I heart New York" shirt! (whole family excitedly goes into the store)

–Fulton St

Posted on December 3, 2008
Brits, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Families, Foreigners, Friends, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Sex and the City, Soho, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

Those Wacky Nuns

Male tourist: Supposedly they are trying to change their image.
Woman tourist: To what? Less slutty?

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Alyx

Posted on December 2, 2008
Physical appearance, Sex, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

New Yorkers Are Beginning to Understand How People in Other Countries Feel About Americans

Woman with baby to subway attendant: How do I get to the Empire Trade Center from Canal St?
Friend: Nah, how do we get to where them Twin Towers fell at?

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on November 23, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Brooklyn, Directions, Friends, Kids, Moms, Questions, Tourism, Tourists, Weirdness

It's Not Delivery, It's Wednesday One-Liners

Chunky lady to skinny friend who ordered a Diet Coke: Bitch, I will slap the shit out of you with this pizza…I'll eat it, too. I don't even care.

–14th St b/w 3rd & 4th Ave

Wasted guy, placing order: A slice of pizza on the rocks.

–1st Ave & 20th St

Overweight Paris Hilton wannabe, loudly on cell: No, the food wasn't like, out of this world, like what I'm used to. No…not really. I'd say more like a touch of Greece–with maybe Turkish or Egyptian. I mean, it's almost impossible to find a good slice of pizza in the city nowadays.

–Crowded LIRR Train

Overheard by: CV

little girl to parents: I like mine with salt, pepper and bone.

–La Rocca's Pizzaria, Staten Island

Overheard by: Dawn D.

Female suit to friends: Oh no, I can't. I save my pizza binge-eating for when I'm drunk.

–Ave of the Americas

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Tourist: Oooh, there's a really good pizza place down here somewhere, Sbarro.

–Basement, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: pop pop

Six-year-old to friends: We should have an Obama pizza party!

–Park Slope

Posted on November 19, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, Bitch-slap, Celebrations/Parties, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Food, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parents, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Pizza, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Rockefeller Center, Skinny People, Staten Island, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Soundtrack of Your Life

Guy to friend: Dude, I'm working on a new house song right now. It's going to kick ass. It's called "Google It". It goes "Googleit, Googleit, Googleit…"

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Ian

Two guys: Ladies and gentlemen, we are not asking for any money, we just want to sing a little Linkin Park. (they proceed to jump around and sing Linkin Park)

–Uptown N Train

Overheard by: Hametuka

Hipster to friend: Flava Flav…yeah, he's like that skinny guy in Lord of the Rings…you know… "my precioussss…" Yeah… That's him…just a darker version.

–Subway, Brooklyn

Preteen: I won't beat my wife! I listen to Bob Marley!

–E 21st St b/w 1st & 2nd

Dude (matter-of-factly): Crazy northerners…don't quite understand that we're aware of how to speak English in the South. We just choose to say things cooler. That's why Southern rap sounds so much cooler.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: another misunderstood southerner

Middle aged tourist woman: Have you heard all of these Country Western songs about little girls recently? There's like four of them, and they're all really good too!

–Pinkberry, Bleecker b/w MacDougal & Sullivan

Overheard by: Jason