Child: I turned on the channel and then mommy started yelling “no, no, turn it off!”
Mother: She found a porn channel.
Child: I liked it, because everyone was kissing.
–Penn Station
Child: I turned on the channel and then mommy started yelling “no, no, turn it off!”
Mother: She found a porn channel.
Child: I liked it, because everyone was kissing.
–Penn Station
Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!
–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?
–1st Ave & 3rd St
Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: NOT the father
Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.
–Q64 Bus
Overheard by: a people-grower
Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: Jenn
Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?
–2 Train
Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."
–84th Drive, Queens
Drunk hipster: God, I just loved Charlie, why did they have to kill him?
Drunk 30-something: No, I'd do Locke, even with his crazy eye.
Drunk hipster: Oh, Sawyer's a babe.
Drunk 30-something: No shit! I'd drink beer out of his shoe.
–Sin Sin Bar, East Village
Overheard by: not as drunk
Headline by: erak
Runners-Up:
· “…And Freebase the Smoke Monster” – DCGeek
· “I’d Drink Beer Out Of a Lot Of Things, Though” – Paul. R
· “This Could Totally Be Me and My Friends” – james
· “Yeah, Well I’d Lick Jam Off Sayed’s Back Bro….” – Ria
Girl #1: You should see Star Trek.
Girl #2: But I don't like Star Trek.
Girl #1: I didn't either at first, and now all I want is to fuck Captain Kirk.
Girl #2: That's ridiculous.
Girl #1: I'm not ashamed to love.
–Times Square
Overheard by: I'd Fuck Him Too
Southern tourist #1: Oh my! Oh. My. God!
Southern tourist #2: Woman, what is it?
Southern tourist #1: It's that Elmo again! I saw him yesterday! At the same place! It's preying on tourists!
Southern tourist #2: Maybe you just need a hug from him!
Suit: It is an “it!” An “it,” you tourist fools! It! It! Iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!
Southern tourist #2: I toldja we shoulda just stuck with Atlantic City.
–Times Square
Female grad student: We can't go that way. People were stabbed over there.
Male grad student: Oh, that's only because of the Seinfeld diner.
–116th St & Broadway
Dopey guy: Oh yeah, Phenomena!
Girlfriend: No, it's “mahna mahna”… The Muppets, right?
Dopey guy: But I always thought it was “Phenomena”! Like…Phenomenon.
Girlfriend: No. (sighs)
–Subway, 29th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jane
Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…
Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!
–Broadway & 32nd St
Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.
–94th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Dan Rosen
Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!
–Fulton Street Mall
Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"
–4/5 Train
Overheard by: Whitey
Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.
–NYU
Overheard by: brooklyn1234
German lady, to no one in particular: You know, I vunder. I tink dat de only persons in USA who vatch Two and One-Half Men are from, like, Alabama. Or Nebraska. Someplace not in a city.
Student-type guy: Oh yeah?
German lady: Oh yes, for sure. I vould be shocked if anyvone on this train watches that show. Charlie Sheen is shit.
Student-type guy: Whatever. Just don't watch it.
German lady: No, I do not vatch this. I don't have cable. I hate Charlie Sheen.
Student-type guy: No cable? How do you know anything about the show then? How do you know anything about anything?
German lady: Oh, I know lots of things.
Student-type guy: Who is the President of the United States?
German lady: (silent)
Student-type guy: Are you fucking kidding me? You don't know who the President of the United States is and you're talking about fucking Charlie Sheen? Get the fuck off this train! …and your hat is stupid!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Dice To That
Tween #1: Susan Sarandon…why do I know that name?
Tween #2: Wasn't she on Step by Step?
Tween #1: Oh my god, I loved that show!
–The Barrymore Theatre, where Susan Sarandon Stars in Exit The King
