Things Got Awkward When They Brought Up Aaron

Drunk hipster: God, I just loved Charlie, why did they have to kill him?
Drunk 30-something: No, I'd do Locke, even with his crazy eye.
Drunk hipster: Oh, Sawyer's a babe.
Drunk 30-something: No shit! I'd drink beer out of his shoe.

–Sin Sin Bar, East Village

Overheard by: not as drunk

Headline by: erak

Runners-Up:
· “…And Freebase the Smoke Monster” – DCGeek
· “I’d Drink Beer Out Of a Lot Of Things, Though” – Paul. R
· “This Could Totally Be Me and My Friends” – james
· “Yeah, Well I’d Lick Jam Off Sayed’s Back Bro….” – Ria

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 9, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Headline Contest Winners, Hipsters, Murder, Questions, Shoes, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

…Long and Prosper

Girl #1: You should see Star Trek.
Girl #2: But I don't like Star Trek.
Girl #1: I didn't either at first, and now all I want is to fuck Captain Kirk.
Girl #2: That's ridiculous.
Girl #1: I'm not ashamed to love.

–Times Square

Overheard by: I'd Fuck Him Too

Posted on July 7, 2009
Girls, Love, Sex, Times Square, TV, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Where the Sex Of Fuzzy Creatures Is Never an Issue

Southern tourist #1: Oh my! Oh. My. God!
Southern tourist #2: Woman, what is it?
Southern tourist #1: It's that Elmo again! I saw him yesterday! At the same place! It's preying on tourists!
Southern tourist #2: Maybe you just need a hug from him!
Suit: It is an “it!” An “it,” you tourist fools! It! It! Iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!
Southern tourist #2: I toldja we shoulda just stuck with Atlantic City.

–Times Square

Posted on July 7, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Hugs, Insults, Only in New York, Southerners, Suits, Times Square, Tourism, TV

And the Vicious Anti-Nineties Backlash

Female grad student: We can't go that way. People were stabbed over there.
Male grad student: Oh, that's only because of the Seinfeld diner.

–116th St & Broadway

Posted on June 27, 2009
Directions, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Stab, Students, TV

Don't Even Ask Her About “Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho”

Dopey guy: Oh yeah, Phenomena!
Girlfriend: No, it's “mahna mahna”… The Muppets, right?
Dopey guy: But I always thought it was “Phenomena”! Like…Phenomenon.
Girlfriend: No. (sighs)

–Subway, 29th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Jane

Posted on June 21, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Druggies, Girlfriends, Restaurants & Cafes, TV, Weirdness, Words

“Et Tu, Wednesday One-Liner?”

Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!

–Uptown B Train

Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…

Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!

–Broadway & 32nd St

Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.

–94th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Dan Rosen

Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!

–Fulton Street Mall

Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"

–4/5 Train

Overheard by: Whitey

Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.

–NYU

Overheard by: brooklyn1234

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Men, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Prison, Sex, Smoking, Stab, Statue of Liberty, Students, Thugs, TV, Upper East Side, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Oddly Enough, It Was an Obama Hat.

German lady, to no one in particular: You know, I vunder. I tink dat de only persons in USA who vatch Two and One-Half Men are from, like, Alabama. Or Nebraska. Someplace not in a city.
Student-type guy: Oh yeah?
German lady: Oh yes, for sure. I vould be shocked if anyvone on this train watches that show. Charlie Sheen is shit.
Student-type guy: Whatever. Just don't watch it.
German lady: No, I do not vatch this. I don't have cable. I hate Charlie Sheen.
Student-type guy: No cable? How do you know anything about the show then? How do you know anything about anything?
German lady: Oh, I know lots of things.
Student-type guy: Who is the President of the United States?
German lady: (silent)
Student-type guy: Are you fucking kidding me? You don't know who the President of the United States is and you're talking about fucking Charlie Sheen? Get the fuck off this train! …and your hat is stupid!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Dice To That