Mom to screaming girls: If you do not stop right now, there will be no tv for a week.
Girls: Nooooo!
Mom: That or a spanking.
Girl #1: I'll take the spanking.
Mom: You don't want the spanking. I will spank you so hard you won't sit for a week.
Girl #2, yelling: When are you going to beat me? I want you to beat me!
–Post Office, Staten Island
Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time?
–Melrose Ave & 154th St
Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chris K.
30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying.
–34th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Frank Molla
Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ashley
20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy.
–St. Mark's Place
Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"
–Houston & Mott
Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC
Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.
–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.
–Fulton & Pearl
Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.
–Movie Theatre, Battery Park
Overheard by: Yelena
Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.
–Hungarian Pastry Shop
Overheard by: Casey Black
Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.
–L Train
Overheard by: lilli
Lady to dog: Pee! Pee! Pee! Poo on the universe!
–E 9th St
Overheard by: Jen
Well-dressed woman to little dog: Baby, those are cars. Cars are not our friends. You must always stay away from them… Are you listening to me?
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Murphy
Woman, shrieking at barking dogs: Stop being crazy!
–Central Park
Overheard by: NB
Woman to Shih Tzu: Yo! I'm walking you, you're not walking me–calm down!
–109 & Manhattan Ave
Dog walker to dog, ranting: Bailey, I am so angry with you! (dog wags tail) Don't you even look at me right now! (yanks dog's leash) I'm taking the television out of your room! No more American Idol for you! (storms across street)
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: allison
Woman to dog sniffing random things: Focus. Fo-cus. Shit.
–Melrose & Wilson
Overheard by: richhorner.com
Child: I turned on the channel and then mommy started yelling “no, no, turn it off!”
Mother: She found a porn channel.
Child: I liked it, because everyone was kissing.
–Penn Station
Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!
–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn
Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?
–1st Ave & 3rd St
Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: NOT the father
Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.
–Q64 Bus
Overheard by: a people-grower
Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: Jenn
Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?
–2 Train
Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."
–84th Drive, Queens
Drunk hipster: God, I just loved Charlie, why did they have to kill him?
Drunk 30-something: No, I'd do Locke, even with his crazy eye.
Drunk hipster: Oh, Sawyer's a babe.
Drunk 30-something: No shit! I'd drink beer out of his shoe.
–Sin Sin Bar, East Village
Overheard by: not as drunk
Headline by: erak
Runners-Up:
· “…And Freebase the Smoke Monster” – DCGeek
· “I’d Drink Beer Out Of a Lot Of Things, Though” – Paul. R
· “This Could Totally Be Me and My Friends” – james
· “Yeah, Well I’d Lick Jam Off Sayed’s Back Bro….” – Ria
Girl #1: You should see Star Trek.
Girl #2: But I don't like Star Trek.
Girl #1: I didn't either at first, and now all I want is to fuck Captain Kirk.
Girl #2: That's ridiculous.
Girl #1: I'm not ashamed to love.
–Times Square
Overheard by: I'd Fuck Him Too
Southern tourist #1: Oh my! Oh. My. God!
Southern tourist #2: Woman, what is it?
Southern tourist #1: It's that Elmo again! I saw him yesterday! At the same place! It's preying on tourists!
Southern tourist #2: Maybe you just need a hug from him!
Suit: It is an “it!” An “it,” you tourist fools! It! It! Iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!
Southern tourist #2: I toldja we shoulda just stuck with Atlantic City.
–Times Square
Female grad student: We can't go that way. People were stabbed over there.
Male grad student: Oh, that's only because of the Seinfeld diner.
–116th St & Broadway
