Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bosses, Clerks, Crying, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, Subway Stations, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Duly Noted

Large black guy: ' Scuse me, do you know David Jensen?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry.
Large black guy: Oh, man, cuz you look just like him, have you ever been on tv? Friends?
Attractive gay guy: Nope.
Large black guy: What about Baywatch?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry, pretty sure the last episode of Baywatch aired when I was eleven.
Large black guy: You must get all sorts of shorties, right?
Attractive gay guy: Ha! Well, maybe if I wasn't gay.
Large black guy: Oh, man! I'm gonna have David text you, look out for his number.
Attractive gay guy: Uhhh, sure thing.
Large black guy, one stop later, as they're both getting off the train: Yo, just so you know, ain't nothing like pussy.

–7 Train

Posted on May 6, 2010
Age/Aging, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Queer guys, TV, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Think Bugs Bunny Is Gay

Fat girl to friends: You know who I want to be? Motherfucking Rainbow Brite. Bitch had a flying horse.

–29th & 7th

20-something guy, following very loud clap of thunder: By the power of Greyskull!

–Center Boulevard, Long Island City

Overheard by: mixxy5

Hobo, to no one in particular: Find me on the computer; my name's Scooby-Doo.

–Starbucks

Cop to partner: God, working with you is like working with Stewie Griffin. (whiney) Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaan… Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaan!

–Train

Posted on April 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Computer, Cops, Coworkers, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Long Island, Movies, Names, Nicknames & name calling, One-liners, Starbucks, Trains Not Subway, TV, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Bought This Jaunty Monocle for Just Such an Occasion

Punk kid, noticing sirens and flashing lights in the distance: I wanna go down there!
Friend: I don't care.
Punk kid: But I wanna be on Eyewitness News!

–57th b/w 3rd & 2nd

Overheard by: tori

Posted on March 27, 2010
Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, News, Punks, TV, Wishes & desires

Our Cats Expect Us to Watch TV With Them

Blondette: I would go to Jake's party, but I would miss this new movie on Lifetime.
Gay friend: Girl, I completely understand.

–Union Square

Overheard by: I don't.

Posted on March 26, 2010
Celebrations/Parties, Girls, Queer guys, TV, Union Square and East Village

Meet the People in Charge Of Programming for Fox

Hobo #1: Yesterday was about embarrassing questions, like “what is a fart?”, or “what is a belch?” Or “why does my pussy stink?” Or “what is plastic surgery?” And they show portions of plastic surgery. And it's a program that I really connected to… It has the highest ratings. I'm up at six o'clock, walking my cats, waking my ass up.
Hobo #2: Yeah, I watch that show too…
Hobo #1 interrupting: No, that's not the same that some acting tv dramas. This 'bout real shit, it's about real questions and real answers. Most people don't even know what their bodies look like. But they got psychologists, they got surgeons…

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: typing it all into my blackberry as fast as I could

Posted on February 22, 2010
Farting & Burping, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hobos, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Psychology, Time, TV, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Which Is Loaded With Subject Matter

Ticket seller to woman, about toddler: Well, he can come, but there is, you know… Subject matter.
Woman, sighing: The boy watches SpongeBob.

–Fela! Box Office

Overheard by: Patrick

Posted on January 22, 2010
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Parents, Theater, Theater & Dance, TV

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Does Oscar Really Take It in the Can?

Puerto Rican guy: Dude, I swear I fucked Oscar the Grouch last night.
Black guy: I don't think we can be friends anymore. You and your Muppet mistresses…

–NYU

Posted on January 8, 2010
Black People, Friendship, NYU, Puerto Ricans, TV

And They Were Totally a Gateway to Scooby Doo

Teenybopper #1, seeing Teletubby character distributing flyers: Oh! Teletubbies! I loved them!
Teenybopper #2: They freaked me out.
Teenybopper #1: Yeah, me too. They made me feel like I was on drugs.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: when you were three you knew this how?

Posted on January 4, 2010
Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Teens, TV