Chick eating a Boston Kreme: Mmm, I love this shit.
Dude: Yeah, enjoy your pastry filled with cum.
Chick: If cum ever tasted this good, I’d never get off my knees.
–Bloomingdale’s, Lexington
Chick eating a Boston Kreme: Mmm, I love this shit.
Dude: Yeah, enjoy your pastry filled with cum.
Chick: If cum ever tasted this good, I’d never get off my knees.
–Bloomingdale’s, Lexington
Girl: So she made a mistake!
Man: She’s a pedophile!
Girl: It was a big mistake!
–62nd & York
Overheard by: petey
Homeless man to barking dog: You can yell at me all you want! It don’t change a thing! I can hold shit and you can’t cause you don’t got thumbs, bitch!
–Union Square Dog Park
Man, talking to his dog as he walks it: I don’t understand it. Why won’t you talk to me?
–W 225th St
Man to barking dog: Okay, okay, we’ll go to the park.
–75th & Madison
Overheard by: tb
Woman carrying tiny white dog in doggy bag, walking ahead of man carrying another tiny white dog in doggy bag: It’s a temporary separation.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Big ghetto guy talking to dog: Look forward! You know what your problem is? You’re too fuckin’ beautiful! Someone gonna see you and steal you. And they won’t treat you as nice, they beat you and burn your ass. You know they eat dog? Chinese people eat dog! They chop you up with a butcher knife and serve you. You the main course… with a side of flied lice. Look forward!
–19th St
Overheard by: Intellectual Steakhead
Man, to small white dog: Hey puppy, I’m gonna kill you! [Turns to scared-looking Asian girl.] I was trying to make you laugh. I guess it didn’t work.
–29th b/w 7th & 8th
Guy on cell: Dude, the girl is hot. We kissed a little last night, but I just wanna make out with her. I just wanna make out with her all night long. [Pause.] Yeah, I said make out.
–73rd & 1st
Overheard by: Missy
Overweight hipster girl with lisp: I’m the make-out masta.
–NYU Hayden Hall
Overheard by: The Doctor
Balding frat guy to girlfriend: Dude, open your eyes a little bit when we make out so it’s not like I’m raping you.
–C Train
Overheard by: I hate when that happens, too
Drunk girl: …so they ended up making out in a port-a-potty.
–Spring & Lafayette
College girl on cell: Don’t move in with him, just make out with people!
–Starbucks, West 43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: good advice
Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.
–Food Emporium, 86th St
Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.
–Ouidad
Overheard by: Pookins
Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!
–Burrito Shop
Overheard by: Marc
Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.
–Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Overheard by: Katie
20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…
–St. Marks b/w 1st & A
Overheard by: i wish i was
Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?
–40th & 3rd
Met guard: Don’t touch that [Points to ancient Greek statue.]Little girl: Not even a little?
Met guard: Not even a little.
[Pause.]Little girl: Not even a little little?
Met guard: Vera, stop.
Little girl: Ok. No touching. Got it. [Sticks out her tongue and gives the marble a long, slow, slobbering lick.]
–The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Brendan
Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What the hell are you doing?
Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: Are you growling?
Teen #1, pointing at the postcards on the wall: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: [Retrieves a Lichtenstein print of a dog with the caption “Grr”.] Grrrrrrrr! It started it! Grrrrrr!
Teen #1: I can’t go anywhere with you, can I?
Teen #2, shaking head: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
–Gugenhiem Gift Shop
Overheard by: Hannah C.
Little boy: Did the Jews kill Jesus?
Tutor: No. It was the Romans.
Little boy: Aw, man! I hate the Romans! [angrily pounds fist on table]
–Community Center, 109th & Lexington
Overheard by: Drew
Teen girl: If you cut off a guy’s penis, how long do you think it would take for him to bleed to death?
Teen boy: Uh…
Teen girl: Hypothetically, I mean.
–Natural History Museum
Girlfriend: Did you see his face?
Boyfriend: Yeah! Weird! He is so creepy!
Girlfriend: He must be Jewish.
–88th & York
