Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The College Equivalent Of Being a Cat Lady with Scented Candles

Guy: I'm a cute gay guy at NYU. I'm doing just fine, darling!
Girl: I'm a straight girl at NYU. I go through a lot of vibrators.

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Posted on June 19, 2015
Dildos and Vibrators, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Sexuality, Starbucks, Washington Square Park

Then What's Moist Gerbil?

Girl student #1: God, this rain. I look like a drowned rat.
Girl student #2: Yeah, but you can pull it off.
Girl student #1: Yeah, I guess drowned rat is like the new dry mouse.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on June 13, 2015
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Parks, Physical appearance, Students, Washington Square Park, Weather

How You Know a Guy's Gay: An OINY Parable

Woman: But I can't make it, because I have a laser hair-removal appointment at one o'clock.
Man: Uh, where are you getting the hair removed?
Woman: My legs, parts of my crotch, and my armpits.
Man: Aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesome!

–Washington Square

Posted on June 12, 2015
Body Parts, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Men, Parks, Time, Washington Square Park, Waxing, Women

Wednesday One-Liners in Altered States

Young boy: Mom, my problem is that I just can’t pay attention for long enough to do my homework the right way. I mean, maybe it’s’s just the weed talking, but I’d like to see someone.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on June 11, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Druggies, Education, Guys, One-liners, Students, Washington Square Park, Weed

Stupid Answers to Snappy Questions

Guy: Make your own ammonium nitrate! Ask me how!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Posted on June 9, 2015
Crazies, Science, Washington Square Park

Scrooge Is a Lot Bigger and Blacker in the NC-17 Version Of A Christmas Carol

Big black charity worker: Would you like to sign and make a donation for the less fortunate children around this area?
Newly immigrated Asian lady No, no have money.
Big black charity worker, unfazed: Okay. (starts walking away) Money makes my dick hard, I see Benjamins, I stay hard all day!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Chuhan Luo

Posted on May 29, 2015
Asians, Black People, Erections, Money & Class, Penis, Washington Square Park

Easter Isn’t Just About Cadbury Creme Eggs

Dealer: I got ecstacy, I got crystal meth, I got hydro…OK, y’all have a nice holiday.

–Washington Square park

Overheard by: Mark Asch

Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: eb

Guy: I think her Easter eggs say “Satan” on them.

–27th Street office

Posted on May 14, 2015
Assholes, Druggies, Hard Drugs, Holidays, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, Preachers, Satan, Washington Square Park

Worst. Hustler. Ever.

Guy to vendor: You got free water? Lemme get some water.
Vendor: No.
Guy: What about napkins? Lemme get some napkins.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Beavis

Posted on May 4, 2015
Cleanliness, Drinks, Free stuff!, Guys, Offers and requests, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park

Olmstead Was a Genius with Pavement

Tourist guy: Look, honey! Here were are in wonderful Central Park!
Tourist guy’s wife: Really? I thought it was supposed to be bigger than this…
Tourist guy: Well, what else could it be?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: oli

Posted on April 26, 2015
NYC Geography, Stupidity, Tourists, Washington Square Park