Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!

–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Derek

Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.

–66th & Columbus

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.

–Wall St

Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.

–Starbucks, Montague Street

NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.

–Kimmel Center

Posted on July 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cum, Family Ties, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Illness, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

So Women Vibrated, Which Was Pretty Cool

NYU professor: And so the Chinese invented statistics to take censuses. (to girl) Would you have been counted?
Girl: Um… Yes?
Guy: No, because they only counted men in the censuses.
Professor: Right, because this was back in the good old days, when men were men and women were washing machines.

–NYU Kaufman Building

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on July 19, 2015
Buildings, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, NYU, Teachers/Professors, Washington Square Park

She Has a Black Belt in Combat Epistemology

Brunette looking up from book: Did you know?
Blonde: What? What? You gotta tell me!
Brunette: Never mind. I don’t want you to know knowledge.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: that explains a lot

Posted on July 14, 2015
Bimbettes, Stupidity, Washington Square Park

Boys Don't Wednesday One-Liner

Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused.

–Washington Square East

20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl!

–N Train

Overheard by: TR

Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body.

–39th & 9th

Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Ems

Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block!

–Bedford & Grove

Overheard by: How many is too many?

Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Jingles

Posted on July 14, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Families, Ferry, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Sexuality, Staten Island Ferry, Surgery, Teens, Trannies, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

So That’s Where David Horowitz Went

Ranting woman: We should be boycotting products from all those big corporations like Microsoft, and General Motors, and Nike, and–
Hobo: Shut the fuck up before the corporation gets to you and tortures you to death.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ting

Posted on July 14, 2015
Business and Commerce, Crazies, Death, Hobos, Homeless, Manhattan, People, Places, Topics, Violence, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It’s Complicated”

Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!

–NYU Hayden Staircase

Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza

Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Cassie

20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.

–Chipotle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.

–Near Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: Claire H.

Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!

–6th & Ave A

Overheard by: Kremilyse

30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool

Posted on July 3, 2015
Baby Mama/Daddy, Bars & Clubs, Default, Facebook, Foreigners, Girls, Google, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hunter, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, NYU, Philosophy, Preachers, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

Can Civil Engineering Correct This Lack Of Civility? Discuss.

(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I'm sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I can…
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don't apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)

–Washington Square Village

Overheard by: zgoldberg

Posted on June 29, 2015
Apologies, Asians, Insults, Nurses, Old People, Preggers, Race, Washington Square Park, Wheelbos

Just When You Seemed Like a Nice Kid

Tween: Hello, sir.
Hot dog vendor: Hello.
Tween: How much are hot dogs?
Vendor: Two dollars.
Tween: How much is Gatorade?
Vendor: Two dollars.
Tween: Are you high?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on June 24, 2015
Drugs, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Parks, Questions, Tweens, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park

Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.

–110th & Broadway

Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: NYU girl

Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Helene and Alice

Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)

–M4 Bus

Posted on June 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Parks, Rack, Relationships, Students, The Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness