Woman #1: What did that guy just say?
Woman #2: He called you a stinky ass!
Woman #1: What? So what did you say?
Woman #2: I said: “Excuse me! She has a bidet!”
–Paragon Sports, Union Square
Overheard by: Manulski
Woman #1: What did that guy just say?
Woman #2: He called you a stinky ass!
Woman #1: What? So what did you say?
Woman #2: I said: “Excuse me! She has a bidet!”
–Paragon Sports, Union Square
Overheard by: Manulski
Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Man: What’d you think?
Woman: Just another story about how guys can’t keep their golden horns in their pants.
Man: We can’t help it if our golden horns start to glow whenever we get near a vagina cave.
Woman: Don’t ever let me hear you say that again.
–Leaving IMAX Theatre After Beowulf, Lincoln Sqaure
Overheard by: The Professor
Dude: Oh hey: Love Actually. Have you ever seen this movie?
Chick: No. [Pauses and looks at the movie he is holding.] Oh, yes. Yes, I have.
Dude: You know, you always answer “no” first. No matter what I ask, you always answer “no” and then change your answer to “yes” when you actually realize what I said. You can actually think about the question before you answer, you know. The outcome would be the same.
–Barnes & Noble
Chubby Asian #1: I’m making a headcheese.
Chubby Asian #2: What’s that?
Chubby Asian #1: Like a meat, with parts of other meats.
Chubby Asian #2: …So it’s not a cheese?
Chubby Asian #1: No.
Chubby Asian #2: Wow, gross.
–L Train
Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.
–Food Emporium, 86th St
Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.
–Ouidad
Overheard by: Pookins
Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!
–Burrito Shop
Overheard by: Marc
Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.
–Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Overheard by: Katie
20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…
–St. Marks b/w 1st & A
Overheard by: i wish i was
Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?
–40th & 3rd
Little girl: Mommy, it’s snowing in my eyes!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Elderly Hispanic woman wading through snow: Skoosh! Shoosh! Skoosh! Wee! Skoosh!
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Bus conductor in droning, somber voice: Ladies and gentlemen, due to inclement weather, the express trains are temporarily discontinued. [Suddenly sounding bright and chipper.] In other words, it’s cold outside, folks! So if you think you can just wait for the local, you wrong! So all y’all just get out the way o’ my doors and let’s go!
–4 Train
Drunk blonde: Omigod, is it like raining? There’s like water falling from the sky outside.
–LIRR
Girl on cell, on first nice day of spring: This weather just makes me want to drink…I have been sitting outside for ten minutes and all of a sudden I can’t get booze off my mind.
–72nd & Columbus
Pilot: Welcome on board flight number [mumble]… We have a 45 minute flight to Ithaca, New York, where the weather is [dramatic pause] fucking awful! Why you guys going there?
–LaGuardia Airport
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Huh?
Guy #1: Huh?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I didn’t say anything.
Guy #2: Me neither.
Guy #1: Don’t talk to me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Hugh
Nyu girl: Oh, look at that squirrel! It’s all black!
Nyu boy: It’s a squigger.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Squacist
Headline by: Tim
Runners-Up:
· “400 Years Of Oppression Pending” – Mistress Squidia
· “Actually, I Think Those Are Called “Rats”” – Jen
· “And I Fount It Weird It Was Carrying a Water Melon and Chicken Nuggets.” – Waleed
· “And It Is Still Waiting For 40 Acres and a Mule!” – gab pezo
· “This Used to Be a Decent, Gray-Squirrel Neighborhood.” – KJM
· “You Can Tell From the Tiny, Tiny Bling.” – Mollena’s Blog” target=”_blank”>Mollena Williams
Met guard: Don’t touch that [Points to ancient Greek statue.]Little girl: Not even a little?
Met guard: Not even a little.
[Pause.]Little girl: Not even a little little?
Met guard: Vera, stop.
Little girl: Ok. No touching. Got it. [Sticks out her tongue and gives the marble a long, slow, slobbering lick.]
–The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Brendan
