Mother pleading with squirmy four-year-old son in tight jacket: Just keep it on for the time being.
Son: I hate the time being.
–Christmas Mass, St Patrick’s
Mother pleading with squirmy four-year-old son in tight jacket: Just keep it on for the time being.
Son: I hate the time being.
–Christmas Mass, St Patrick’s
Sex ed volunteer: Now if you put the condom on the wrong way, do not, I repeat, do not turn it inside out and put it on. Because we all know what gets on the tip.
Male student: Penis juice!
Sex ed volunteer: Did you just say “penis juice”?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Withnail
Guy on cell: Dude, the girl is hot. We kissed a little last night, but I just wanna make out with her. I just wanna make out with her all night long. [Pause.] Yeah, I said make out.
–73rd & 1st
Overheard by: Missy
Overweight hipster girl with lisp: I’m the make-out masta.
–NYU Hayden Hall
Overheard by: The Doctor
Balding frat guy to girlfriend: Dude, open your eyes a little bit when we make out so it’s not like I’m raping you.
–C Train
Overheard by: I hate when that happens, too
Drunk girl: …so they ended up making out in a port-a-potty.
–Spring & Lafayette
College girl on cell: Don’t move in with him, just make out with people!
–Starbucks, West 43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: good advice
Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.
–NYU Bobst Library
Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!
–70 & Broadway
Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Amy
Man: Skinny bitch.
Employee: Excuse me??
Man: Skinny bitch.
Employee: Um, if you’re looking for the book, you should ask at the information desk.
[Man walks in opposite direction.]Employee: Next time, you might want to preface that one…
Man, interrupting: I don’t have time to stand around and have a conversation about it.
–Strand Bookstore
Girl #1: I think I’m starving myself.
Girl #2: Me too!
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Woman #1: What did that guy just say?
Woman #2: He called you a stinky ass!
Woman #1: What? So what did you say?
Woman #2: I said: “Excuse me! She has a bidet!”
–Paragon Sports, Union Square
Overheard by: Manulski
Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: ryn
Man: What’d you think?
Woman: Just another story about how guys can’t keep their golden horns in their pants.
Man: We can’t help it if our golden horns start to glow whenever we get near a vagina cave.
Woman: Don’t ever let me hear you say that again.
–Leaving IMAX Theatre After Beowulf, Lincoln Sqaure
Overheard by: The Professor
Dude: Oh hey: Love Actually. Have you ever seen this movie?
Chick: No. [Pauses and looks at the movie he is holding.] Oh, yes. Yes, I have.
Dude: You know, you always answer “no” first. No matter what I ask, you always answer “no” and then change your answer to “yes” when you actually realize what I said. You can actually think about the question before you answer, you know. The outcome would be the same.
–Barnes & Noble
