Day camper: This one’s a nigger joke.
Camp counselor: It’s a what?
Day camper: A newer joke.
Camp counselor, relieved: Oh, go ahead.
–162nd St
Overheard by: Someone who also heard nigger
Day camper: This one’s a nigger joke.
Camp counselor: It’s a what?
Day camper: A newer joke.
Camp counselor, relieved: Oh, go ahead.
–162nd St
Overheard by: Someone who also heard nigger
Girl on cell: So I woke up with a slice of pizza on my stomach again last night.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Frank B
Man: You know my theory: ground beef makes anything taste better.
–6 train
Overheard by: Sol
Old woman: Give me a donut. But not a very sweet one. I’m diabetic.
–Clarkson Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: astronugget
Fat woman on cell: “Butter Lovers” or “X-treme Butter” with an X?
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: Rita
Teenage boy: I had frosted Cheerios for breakfast. That’s some heavy shit.
–86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Madison Parks
Woman, yelling into her cell in a thick Puerto Rican/New York accent: I had to call you. Guess what I’m thinking about right now? Guess! You know the little peanut man on the jar of peanuts? Him! The little peanut man.
–crosstown bus, 72nd & Lex
Queer: Here’s what I want you to do. First, I want you to spread chocolate on my chest. Then, I want you to spread some nougat, then some caramel and roasted peanuts. Then I want you to fuck me and call me Snickers.
–Fire Island
CEO Lex Fenwick: Let me tell you three things about Bloomberg [raises five fingers]. Customer service, customer service, customer service, and customer service.
Intern: That was only four, Lex. You raised five fingers and said you were going to tell us three things.
Lex Fenwick: You’re fired!
–Bloomberg L.P.
Overheard by: summer intern
Drunk white man: Hey, sir. “Knish” is spelled wrong.
Indian cashier: What?
Drunk white man: The food behind the case here. You spelled “knish” wrong, and I’ve told you guys before and it still hasn’t been fixed. Look, buddy, I’ve come in here ten times in the last week. I’ve told three other employees that the spelling is wrong, and next time I come in here it better be spelled right or the Jews are gonna come kill you.
Drunk white man storms out.
Indian cashier: That man is fucking crazy. It’s knish. Is it even spelled wrong?
Woman: No. He just forgot to take his meds and now the Jews are gonna come and kill you. And by “the Jews” he means himself.
–Organic food store, 19th & 3rd
Overheard by: Boo Radley
Guy #1: Hey. Is it hailing out?
Guy #2: Hail yeah!
Silence for a few seconds.
Guy #2: I said…
Guy #1: I heard you. Shut up.
–Joe’s Pizza, Carmine & 6th Ave
Overheard by: james clunie
Woman #1: She got a booty do
Woman #2: A booty do?
Woman #1: Yeah, you know, when your belly stick out more than your booty do?
–4 train
Guy: [really loudly] Fuck! Shit! Boobs!
Girl: Stop it! Screaming profanities isn’t going to get you on Overheard in New York.
Guy: But today’s our last day in the city and it’s my last chance!
Girl: So you develop Tourette’s?
Guy: Shhh! Stop calling me a tourist!
–John & Water
Overheard by: Gillian
Teen girl: I would like to. Notwithstanding, I–
Old lady: Never say “notwithstanding” in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck…?
Old lady: Notwithstanding and two financial empires have already
collapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Missoula, Montana.
Old lady: You’re making my point, darling!…So, Redford says “notwithstanding”? No kidding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.
–Trump Tower elevator, 56th & 5th
Overheard by: Bertrand Latour
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
