Circumcision Peels the Potato; Neutering Juliennes It

Man: We had him circumcised.
Woman: Circumcised?
Man: Yeah, whatever you do with dogs. You know…
Woman: Neutered?
Man: Isn't that the same thing?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Nettle

Posted on August 3, 2020
Central Park, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Men, Parks, Private Parts, Questions, Women, Words

Why Thorazine Is Contraindicated for Service Employees

Yankee fan: Yeah, I'll have a grilled chicken sandwich and a vanilla iced coffee.
Apathetic cashier: Crispy chicken sandwich?
Yankee fan: No, grilled, sorry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Apathetic cashier: And you wanted a Diet Coke?
Yankee fan: No, a vanilla iced coffee.
Cashier: Oh.

–McDonald's, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Posted on July 10, 2020
Cashiers, Coffee, Customers, Drinks, Junk Food & Fast Food, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Words, Yankee Stadium

That's Why the Internet Was Invented, Brainiac

Guy #1: I typed “gentrification” on Google Images and I got titties.
Guy #2: Man, you can type in anything and get titties.

–Bushwick

Posted on June 26, 2020
Brooklyn, Google, Guys, Rack, Words

From the Monastic Tradition

Little girl: Hey mom, what's a cloister?
Little boy: It's a Pokemon, duh!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on June 16, 2020
Kids, On the Subway, Pop Culture, Questions, Words

We’re Sure There’s a “Brazilian Rainforest” Joke in Here Somewhere

Student #1: She’s from the Dominican Republic, right?
Student #2: Um, yeah, I think so.
Student #1: Is she classy…?
Student #2: Eh, not really, no. At the meeting the other day, she was wearing a skirt. I could see her cooch.
Student #3: [Just joining the conversation] What’s a cooch?
[Silence.]Student #1: Her vagina.
Student #2: Her forest. Except it was barren. There were no trees. Barren.

–Columbia University

Posted on May 24, 2020
Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Foreigners, Global Geography, Questions, Students, Vagina, Waxing, Words

Says the Woman Who Chooses to Live in Omaha?

Older tourist woman to NBC tour guide: So, we are going to see the rock at the top?
Guide: It's called “the top of the rock.”
Woman: Well, that doesn't make any sense?

–30 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on May 19, 2020
Clerks, Old People, Rockefeller Center, Tourism, Tourists, Words

Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Andy

Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jess

Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)

–W 19th