Words

Is It Sick That I Wednesday on Their One-Liners?

Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.

–4th & Lafayette

Overheard by: andy

Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?

–Times Square

Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."

–NY Comic Con

Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.

–Fordham Law School

Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.

–1st Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: Will

Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Overheard by: Hunter (aka,

I'm Too Sexy for My Wednesday One-Liners.

Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!

–Broadway

Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.

–Broadway & Spring

20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.

–Q Train

Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!

–Neptune Ave

Overheard by: taylor

Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.

–Centre St

I Believe He Goes by “Mr. Magic Dragon” Now

Foreign girl: How is your puffy friend?
American guy: What?
Foreign girl: You know, the puffy! (hold out her hands to indicate fatness)
American guy: Oh, yeah, he's good.

–89th & 2nd

Overheard by: Tom

Wednesday One-liners Know Their ABCs

Guy on cell being way too loud at 1AM: Yo! I’m on Avenue M as in motherfucker!

–Avenue M & E 17 St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Daniil Sosonkin

Announcer: For service to 81st Street, take the downtown B as in bubble or D as in Ducktales.

–86th Street B/C station

Overheard by: frocky

Wednesday One-Liners Refer to 110th Street As ‘Downtown’

Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it.

–Columbia

20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City.

–Columbia

Overheard by: martina m.

Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu.

–Columbia

Overheard by: Ladle

Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar.

–1 train

Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’

–1 train

Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is.

–Columbia

Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition.

–116th St

Overheard by: Sam

There's a Word for That?

Female teacher: What's that word for men who draw the male anatomy?
Male student: Uh…”penis”?

–Stuyvesant High School

Can You Use Wednesday One-Liners in a Sentence?

20-ish woman: Why do they call it waiting on line instead of waiting in line? Is that like a New York thing? Is that like calling it smoking up instead of smoking out?

–58th & Park

Overheard by: marisa

Guy: Well, I think absent-minded means more like… Uh… Like…

–Broadway & Waverly

Future lawyer chick: Wait… So that’s the rebuttal? Rebuttal? Is that a word? Or is the word ‘counterargument’? Or am I just making up words?

–LSAT class, Cooper Square

Four-year-old girl to little boy who spoke in Spanish: I don’t speak your English!

–Claremont Park, Bronx

Overheard by: ClaRity

JAP to boyfriend: I don’t want anything that I can’t, like, pronounce right now.

–St Mark’s falafel district

Doctor: Get Me Fifty CCs of Gay Porn, Stat!

Queer hipster #1: She’s a bitch.
Queer hipster #2: She *is* a bitch!
Queer hipster #1: She’s a bitch, and she’s ugly and fat.
Queer hipster #2: I know! I saw her in a bathing suit, and I swear, I have never been more flaccid in my life!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

What? Sex?

Eight-year old boy, barely audibly: Do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight-year old boy, slightly more audibly: Naw, do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I've got one 24 and one 19. I know they're not really kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight-year-old boy: Naw, naw! (loudly) I said “do you have any kid's shoes?”

–Shoe Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eremi

These Newfangled Textbooks Are All Crunked Up

HS boy #1: How do you spell “toll”?
HS girl: T-O-L-L.
HS boy #2: Like “pay a toll”?
HS boy #1: Like “take a toll on a nigga.”

–F train

Overheard by: Miss B

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