Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers…it makes me feel like I have The Force.
–Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Manc
Bro #1: Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy.
Bro #2: I love motion sensor dispensers…it makes me feel like I have The Force.
–Bar Bathroom, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Manc
Girl, screaming: I'm STD free!
Hipster girl: Oh, stop bragging.
–Happy Ending Lounge
Overheard by:
Drunken idiot (in last row of Madison Square Garden): You don't understand, I have connections. One phone call and I'm right back in here…
Security guard: I don't care if you wanna call President Bush. You can use my cell phone. If the people in front of you complain again, you're history. Enjoy the show, try not to drink too much.
Drunken idiot to girl who complained: Snitches get stitches!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lalaith
Homeless druggie chick: I'm waaay smarter than you!
Homeless druggie dude: No way, I'm crazy smart and shit.
Homeless druggie chick: Well, I know tons of shit that you don't, like that Manhattan is the only city in America that doesn't have a Main Street, and that mosquitoes have 47 teeth!
Homeless druggie dude (very impressed): Daaamn you are smart! How did you know that?!
Homeless druggie chick: I read Snapple caps, bitch!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kiki
Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that’s why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can’t think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well.
–69th St
Headline by: Moon
Runners-Up:
· “And Yet, You’re Not on Your Knees…” – Katie Darling
· “Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan” – CV
· “Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk” – john
· “Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?” – phox
· “Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed” – engsci
· “Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth” – samson
· “Sally’s Gaydar Works Again!” – Sara Irene
· “Save It for the Next Election, Hillary” – NR
· “What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?” – rudy valahan
Teen girl: So I found a picture of him on facebook, half-naked, being straddled by some fourteen-year-old with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. I swear, my brother has all of my precocity, but none of my charm.
Older guy: Oh yeah, and none of your humility either.
–96th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: kids these days…
Hardhat #1, feigning retching: Bleaahhhhhh!
Hardhat #2, laughing: Yeah, but truth be told, ain’t no one throw up as smooth as I do. Do you know anyone smoother?
Hardhat #1: You right, you do throw up smooth.
–Construction Site, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Barry
Guy: Alright, bye, Corinne! Nice meeting you, Jess.
Jess: He was nice. How do you know him?
Corrine: … My hand smells like penis. Does your hand smell like penis?
–Outside Bleecker Street Bakery
Overheard by: mine didn’t
Guy: I wish my parents had circumcised me… I want to be cut, but I can’t imagine going through the pain now.
Pal: Yeah, glad I don’t have that hanging over my head…
–NYU
Overheard by: TMan
Brunette: I felt so bad for that cab driver yesterday.
Redhead: Yeah, I know! He was like, ‘I’ve been here for seven years and I haven’t done anything with my life…’
Brunette: Yeah, I know, and I’m like, ‘Me, too… But I’m rich!’
–Elizabeth & Spring
Overheard by: mark
