Salad wench: So, you got any kids?
Queer: Honey, what I do don’t make babies.
–Cosi, 6th & 42nd
Salad wench: So, you got any kids?
Queer: Honey, what I do don’t make babies.
–Cosi, 6th & 42nd
Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn’t bad. I couldn’t shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: binja
Crazy hobo: Marriage is for having children, and gay people never have children! Marriage is for sex, and gay people never have sex!
Latina: He needs to get fucked up the ass.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Ari
Rotund black woman, to no one in particular: I like a hood nigga,. I like a nigga to dick me in the butt while I’m smoking a blunt.
–West Village
Loud Jamaican man yelling to friend: When I stick my penis up your butt, there ain’t no turnin’ back! You’re gonna have hemorrhoids!
–25th & 7th
Overheard by: Becka
Dude: … And then she wouldn’t even shake my hand. I mean, I’ve had my dick in your ass, and you won’t even shake my hand? What kind of shit is that?
–F train
Tween to friends: I told him, ‘If it don’t fit in my mouth, it won’t fit in my butt.’
–Bx9 bus, Kingsbridge Terrace
Overheard by: Krisztina
Angry student: He fucked me in the ass, okay? In the ass!
–NYU
Queer #1: That Joey guy is so hot.
Queer #2: Joey the bottom?
Queer #1: Yeah…
–4th Street & 1st Avenue
Overheard by: Mike M.
Cop to others, coming out of bodega: I was into fucking rainbows even before the gays.
–Bedford & S 3rd
Overheard by: Rocky
Tall blue-collar guy to short blue-collar guy: So, how did your date with that guy go? Did you get any action?
–Broadway
Guy on cell: I still don't see how being a dude and preferring other dudes sexually makes me gay.
–Q Train
Hipster on cell: This isn't gay, it's revenge!
–Ave C & 7th St
Guy to friends, matter of factly: So apparently he went there for drugs and/or homosexual sex.
–Rockefeller Center
30-something woman to another: Because she's gay, does that mean I need to pay for everything?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Tom Guest
Thugette #1: I don’t care if Jake is smaller than him — I ain’t lettin’ him in my ass.
Thugette #2: You can cum from it. [Cool British guy turns to look at them as he passes.]Thugette #1: What you looking at?
Cool British guy: Would you really like me to answer that?
Thugette #1, sheepishly: No.
–Times Square
Hipster boy: There is an art party to benefit the Whitney Independent Study Program tonight! I’m totes going.
Hipster girl: I applied and didn’t get in to the Whitney Program, but this guy who took my anal virginity did.
–Prospect Park
Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn’t working out. I guess I’m not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I’m a hairdresser. How original. Just because I’m a hairdresser you think I’m gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.
–9th & B
Overheard by: GavinM
Woman: But I thought you said it was okay if we slept with other people?
Man: No, I didn’t! Why the fuck would I say that?!
Woman: Wasn’t that you? I guess not.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
