Douche #1: Have you met Jane? She is the hottest person ever.
Douche #2: Will she sleep with me because I work at JP Morgan? Is she Asian?
–The Lion
Douche #1: Have you met Jane? She is the hottest person ever.
Douche #2: Will she sleep with me because I work at JP Morgan? Is she Asian?
–The Lion
Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.
–Thompson Square Park
Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.
–Ave A & 6th St
Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!
–J Train
Mom #1: Wow, it is such a beautiful day out. I really wish there was a park around here.
Mom #2: Yeah, they should get on that.
–83rd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Jesse
College girl: He's married and all, but he's really, really hot.
College boy: Isn't he like 50?
College girl: His feet are like size 14. I'm just saying.
–Times Square
Overheard by: soxie
Blond high school Long Island girl: Well, I don't think she's that pretty.
Blond high school jock: You're wrong. That girl is so hot! She's the reason why we have cameras in our school.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: miki
Girl: You know, I really appreciate that you're the only guy friend I have that never tried to hit on me.
Guy: Don't give me too much credit, I just don't think you're hot.
–Union & 7th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: ra
Girl on date: My mother had an abortion when I was 11.
Boy on date: That must be because your parents realized they could never produce anything as beautiful as you again.
–Awash Ethiopian Restaurant, 106th St & Amsterdam
Comedy guy: Are you girls Danish?
Girls: No.
Comedy guy: That's okay! You're still hot like they were!
–43rd St & Broadway
Bro tourist #1: Has CJ ever had a girlfriend?
Bro tourist #2: Yeah.
Bro tourist #1: Is he a ladies' man?
Bro tourist #3: Yeah. His last girlfriend? She was hot!
–24th & 8th
Deli worker: Dude, did you just see those girls walk by outside?
Friend: Damn, dude, those girls are walking around like their shit don't stink! And it definitely doesn't.
Deli worker: Yeah, tell me about it!
Friend: Seriously, bro, I'd let both of them fart in my mouth!
–Deli, Greenpoint
