Beauty

Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.

–Thompson Square Park

Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.

–Ave A & 6th St

Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!

–J Train

Mom #1: Wow, it is such a beautiful day out. I really wish there was a park around here.
Mom #2: Yeah, they should get on that.

–83rd St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Jesse

College girl: He's married and all, but he's really, really hot.
College boy: Isn't he like 50?
College girl: His feet are like size 14. I'm just saying.

–Times Square

Overheard by: soxie

Blond high school Long Island girl: Well, I don't think she's that pretty.
Blond high school jock: You're wrong. That girl is so hot! She's the reason why we have cameras in our school.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: miki

Girl: You know, I really appreciate that you're the only guy friend I have that never tried to hit on me.
Guy: Don't give me too much credit, I just don't think you're hot.

–Union & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ra

Girl on date: My mother had an abortion when I was 11.
Boy on date: That must be because your parents realized they could never produce anything as beautiful as you again.

–Awash Ethiopian Restaurant, 106th St & Amsterdam

Comedy guy: Are you girls Danish?
Girls: No.
Comedy guy: That's okay! You're still hot like they were!

–43rd St & Broadway

Bro tourist #1: Has CJ ever had a girlfriend?
Bro tourist #2: Yeah.
Bro tourist #1: Is he a ladies' man?
Bro tourist #3: Yeah. His last girlfriend? She was hot!

–24th & 8th

Deli worker: Dude, did you just see those girls walk by outside?
Friend: Damn, dude, those girls are walking around like their shit don't stink! And it definitely doesn't.
Deli worker: Yeah, tell me about it!
Friend: Seriously, bro, I'd let both of them fart in my mouth!

–Deli, Greenpoint

Elderly lady, seeing cover of People magazine: “Johnny Depp, sexiest man alive”? I don't care. Who cares? (to cashier) Do you care?
Cashier: I don't care.
Elderly lady: His mother might care.

–Duane Reade