Girl #1: Why do I always have camel toe?
Girl #2: Are you buying your pants too tight?
Girl #1: No, I think I gained weight.
Girl #2: Where, in your labia?
–E train
Girl #1: Why do I always have camel toe?
Girl #2: Are you buying your pants too tight?
Girl #1: No, I think I gained weight.
Girl #2: Where, in your labia?
–E train
Girl #1: I never realized how nice his back was until we broke up.
Girl #2: As he was walking away from you?
–Stuyvesant & 3rd
Overheard by: katyunextraordinaire
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
Girl: Ginger is what pussy would look like if it was sliced.
–Sako Sushi, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: Joanna Kim
Girl: What is that?
Guy #1: Tuna.
Girl: Tuna with what?
Guy #2: Tuna with delicious.
–Sushi Seki, 1st Avenue
Overheard by: KMR
Showering girl #1: So, I’m thinking of getting a tattoo.
Showering girl #2: Oh really? I have one on my ankle!
Showering girl #1: What’s it of?
Showering girl #2: Well, it’s not so much a tattoo as, I guess, a birthmark.
Showering girl #1: …Well, does that hurt?
–NYU Palladium Gym, E. 14th Street
Two teens are watching Jeopardy! through a store glass window.
Teen boy #1: I can read lips; that guy said he liked to suck cock.
Teen boy #2: You mean, “What is, ‘I like to suck cock’?”
–14th & B
Overheard by: meghan
Guy: …And then I nutted all over her face, but like, not in a demeaning way.
–Weinstein Hall, University Place
Girl: Well, tell Joe my fist has a suggestion for his face.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Drunk dude: I’ve always wanted a pet bee. You know? That would be so cool. To have a pet bee. I’d take it for a walk every day and show it to the neighbors. And they’d be so amazed that I had a pet bee!
Guy #1: How would you take a bee for a walk?
Drunk dude: I’d tie a little string around its neck. Like a leash, you know?
Guy #2: I didn’t know that bees had a neck.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Eric Roitman
