Little girl, singing: Now we open door! Go to coffee store! Now we get a muffin…
Tired-looking mom: No more muffins.
Little girl, still singing: Now we beg for more!
–Brooklyn
Old lady #1: WHAAAA? REALLY?
Old lady #2: Yep, I heard she is.
Old lady #1: Wow, I didn’t know she was that way.
Old lady #3: No! Lorraine Bracco can’t be gay, ’cause she’s Italian… like us!
–3rd Ave & Carroll St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: evilrobotmonkey
Mother to toddler: Do I love you a lot or a little?
Toddler: A little?
Mother: No, a lot! It's your shithead father that only loves you a little!
–Jay St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Margaret
Little girl, peeking under shower curtain: Hi!
Lady in shower: Hi!
Little girl, pulling back shower curtain: Hiiii! Wow! Mom! Come here! You need to see this!
–Dodge YMCA Locker Room, Brooklyn
Girl #1: Yeah, her mom looks weird.
Girl #2: Yeah, she looks like a troll driving.
Girl #1: Well, she looks like a troll all the time.
Girl #2: Sure, but what's more awkward…a troll or a troll driving?
–86th St & Ridge Blvd
Woman #1: He works at a law firm…the name of which I can’t remember.
Woman #2: Oh, Dead Guy, Dead Guy, Dying Guy, and Never There Guy…LLC.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Myrddins
Hippie: Jung would say I have a very low sensate rating.
Meathead: What? So you're retarded?
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Two cop cars are after someone, heading downtown on Fourth Avenue, sirens going. One cop brakes abruptly and throws it into reverse and makes a backward left turn onto 86th Street, where a civilian is sitting in his car, waiting for the light to change. The cop car smashes into the front of the civilian’s car, and the cop announces on
his megaphone: Wake up, dildo!
–Bay Ridge
Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: John Bender
Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!
–77th St, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.
–80th Ave & Columbus
Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…
–Central Park
Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Manager: Lettuce.
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Manager: Romaine.
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that?
–Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst
