Dude: Anne Frank looks really hot.
Random woman : What's the matter with you? Don't you have any respect?
Dude: Oh, sorry. With all due respect, Anne Frank is really hot.
–Prospect Park
Dude: Anne Frank looks really hot.
Random woman : What's the matter with you? Don't you have any respect?
Dude: Oh, sorry. With all due respect, Anne Frank is really hot.
–Prospect Park
Father: I don't even want to know how many calories this burger has.
Young daughter: What's a calorie?
Father: A calorie is a unit of flavor.
–Five Guys Burgers, Brooklyn
20-something girl to friend returning from restroom: There you are! I almost sent a search party.
Friend: Yeah, I, uhm, had to go do number two.
20-something girl, enthusiastically: Awesome!
Friend: Yeah, I love a good number two.
20-something girl: Me too, man! Alriiiight! (raises hands for a high-five, then hesitates) Wait, you washed your hands, right?
Friend: Yeah, of course.
20-something girl, with renewed enthusiasm: Alriiiight! (they high five)
–Ikea, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Good thinking.
Girl #1: What kind of insurance do you have?
Girl #2: Well, Medicaid, but it just got cut off.
Girl #1: What? They tried that shit with me. But I called everyday until they reinstated that shit. Sometimes you just gotta act black. No offense, I can say that because I'm Puerto Rican.
Girl #2: (nods)
–Doctor's Office, Jackson Heights
Little girl #1: Do you have a boyfriend?
Little girl #2: Yes, and I hate him.
–Starr St.
Overheard by: Asizzle
Rite Aide worker #1: Yo, where are the keys?
Rite Aide worker #2: They're in my pocket… Jeez!
(Rite Aide worker #1 takes keys out of #2's pant pocket)
Rite Aide worker #2: Don't violate me!
Rite Aide worker #1: You know you like it.
–Rite Aide, Carrol Gardens
Man to hobo: Hey, man, you got a dollar?
Hobo: No, man. You know I ain't got one. (pause) If I had a dollar–I'd holler!
–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Glad he had a sense of humor
Tattooed guy on cell: I want a human pyramid. I want a naked human pyramid.
–Veniero's Pastry Shop
Young lady: Yes, but it's not like I go riding around the city naked on a horse…
–57th St
Dude on cell: Shut up! I will sit on your face… without drawers.
–14th & 6th
Young thug to friend: She said she went up in there, and everybody in the crib was naked, everybody. Buck-ass naked.
–Nostrand Ave, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: rick
Three-year-old boy, looking at unclothed figures at African people exhibit: Daddy? Did they take off their diapers?
–American Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Freaked the kid out after laughing at his commment
Wife, looking at photos: My god, is that a geyser?
Husband: No, a waterfall. You have the photo upside down.
–Brooklyn
Bored student, avoiding reading The Canterbury Tales: Is this going to teach us life lessons that we already know?
English teacher: Yes.
Bored student: Couldn't we read Chicken Soup for the Soul instead?
–Beacon St
